2 chapters / 4886 words

Approximately 24 minutes to read


(W.I.P. - Draft 1 and 2 are completely separate and have no link whatsoever, just two different versions of the story! This is a Short Film script idea for college. I've had to change the layout slightly just for clarity on figment. Just wondering what people think of the story!



11 months ago Nessa Hansen said:

Draft 2: It's an interesting story in a very good way. I wasn't expecting it and it was very refreshing. I loved how you didn't need great long details to move the story along, I could really see everything as you told it. I was expecting it to be this long romance; (not that romance is always so) which gets boring (a big sometimes), and instead I'm met with a beautiful story of friends meeting again and again. I loved it and may I ask if there will be more?

Please read any of my stories, I would love to hear or in this case read what you think. Wonderful story!!!


11 months ago ShadowFang Castiglione said:

draft two was so cute, it's ending was so sweet.


11 months ago Andrea Taylor said:

I read "Draft 2". It's wonderful! I love the imagery! I could really picture the characters and feel the emotion. I loved how this story was based on friendship. I also love how it shows the paths of following your dreams and not. The only thing that I saw that needed editing was where I read "His is laptop..." I'm not sure if that's supposed to be "His laptop...". Still, this story is great! I loved every bit of it! :)


11 months ago Laurel Zyvoloski said:

This was beautiful, I loved how you illustrated their relationship so well in so few scenes! Your characterization was incredible in such a short piece. This was a heartwarming story about true friendship.



11 months ago MaryAnn said:

Okay, I really didn't know what the heck was going on here. I was so confused, I checked the title over and over again to make sure it was the right story...I read the description and everything...

Then I realized it was a script.

Whoops...I hope I wasn't the only person who did that....xD

I really love your style of writing. Once I knew it was only a script, I really got into it and saw the characters acting out every little detail, Ellie popping the skittles into her mouth. I loved it, really. It was awesome.

I looked for grammatical errors and punctuation and spelling and all that, and I didn't really see any. (There is the possibility it was overlooked, though.)

I want you to make sure you are keeping things simplified. If I said: 'You can visit scenic Deadwood by taking the stagecoach from Yankton.'

There is a lot in that sentence that can be taken out. For example, the 'you' lacks the quality of interest and information. Instead, if you revise the sentence, it would look something like this: 'To visit scenic Deadwood, take the stagecoach from Yankton.'

See the difference? One is a little bit easier to understand.

Now, you try. Dejunk this sentence: 'If you want to survive smallpox, you will need to get medical care from Calamity Jane and Doc Cochran.'

What did you come up with? Maybe something like this? 'To survive smallpox, get medical care from Calamity Jane and Doc Cochran.'

There's a lot more to it than that, and if you want to learn more about this just visit this website:

I hope I helped you with this review. I really love your work!

Keep on writing! ~MaryAnn


11 months ago Aiden P said:

This is the first scripted story I've actually liked! That with me reading the eighth book in the harry potter series. Keep up the good work!