I Know It's Over

I Know It's Over

1 chapter / 121 words

Approximately half a minute to read

Genres:

Writing

Comments(13)

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3 months ago Marissa Riggs said:

Your choice of Morrisey lyrics were really smart and subtle. A few sentences stood out me as odd, such as "legs laid tired" for example, and the meaning was disconnected at times, but that doesn't really matter that much since poetry isn't for the audience, it's for the poet. Good work! In return, please read 'Like Little Murders' for the swap. :)

Compassionate124

4 months ago Ritu said:

Hello Hulse sorry for the delayed reply. Well the poem was absolutely cool though I didn't understand the meaning. The flow and the words were absolutely amazing. Glad that I read such a poem

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4 months ago Kitsu Ki Yo said:

This is gonna have to be my last one before I end up commenting on every single poem. I grabbed many at random, unsure of what you wanted me specifically to read, so I'm sorry if this may seem like a spam first of all. Honestly, all of the poems I've read have been good, and I haven't had any complaints with them.

Now, with this one, line "I know this is over...but...did it ever really start?" got to me. I feel at the beginning that the narrator was perhaps staying strong, but in return only became a shell of himself. At least, that's what I felt when reading this. Your choice of words varied to very simple to complex, with added nice flavor to the poem, and though I didn't feel a distinct flow, it told a somber tale. Great job, like as I said with the others, and please continue writing! I've noticed some of the reviews are a bit old, so I hope you end up writing new content. Maybe it's because I clicked on all old work, but you do have good ideas put into words and I feel like you really should continue.

Dalek

4 months ago Eleanor Meckley said:

Wow. I don't even know what half of those words meant or what that poem was saying, but that SOUNDED very cool! The rhythm was smooth and complex, the words were fancy and full of meaning (I could tell, even though I didn't understand). It was just, AMAZING!!!

By the way, the reason I didn't understand was NOT AT ALL because of your writing. It's just me being oblivious to the meaning of words and stuff. :)

Reviews(9)

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4 months ago Courtney Dozier said:

I think "Legs laid tired" could maybe flow better. I don't know, just something about it doesn't quite sound as good as it could in my mind for some reason. Maybe "Legs laying tired" or something would flow better. I'm not sure. I don't have a good solution to this, so you can just leave it.

This poem has a good bit of depth with your word choice, but I can't tell what's going on. Is someone having a concert? Is this someone relaxing at a bar after some sports event? I'm sorry. It could be I just don't understand your references or something, but maybe you could add a couple more lines here and there to describe more of what's going on. Or not. It's up to you.

I love your line "John, you'll never be a man" because it makes me wonder why someone would say that, why he'll never be a man. Also, in the last line, leaving off the last bit was really good because it makes the reader want more and wonder if somehow the person saying it got cut off, and why, etc.

Overall, this was really good. Your word choice is perfectly on-point, and I can sense the depth and time you put into this poem. Great job!

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11 months ago Stormie "Ducky" McNeal said:

whoa. Whoa. WHOA.

THAT is amazing. Keep writing! I could sing your praises forever!

Gosh. The flow and rhythm is amazing. You have a unique writing voice. That last line is usually a tricky one, but you pulled it off effortlessly. You use words that aren't usually used in poety.

Do I have anything to critiques? No. That's why this is so short... sorry :P But your writing is amazing! And you have no need to swap ;) Consider this a free read!