All The Gray Areas

All The Gray Areas

5 chapters / 1019 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

A pretty accurate representation of my "coming out" process and the evolution of my relationship with myself and the way I write poetry. Freeverse poems (3-5) have much greater value when read aloud.

Genres:

Writing, Poetry

Comments(8)

Thayjc9ey8

over 1 year ago Wendiann Alfieri said:

Wow. Wow. The "Dear Razor" Poem Really hit my heart, there are so many good things about this, just wow it's amazing!

Img_20170364_022218[1]

over 1 year ago Sekerya Mackenzie said:

I think it is incredible how you are able to harness such intense emotion through few words. I actually don't know much about poetry, but I thoroughly enjoyed this. I really like your use of metaphors throughout an entire poem.

Beautiful.

Julian_mcmahon_photo21

over 1 year ago Elizabeth A. Terry said:

You're a good poet. You have a great idea on structure, however I think you need to practice more on expressing it on paper. I do understand, from your summary, that some of these are meant to be spoken word. I love spoken word and, if written and preformed right, it can be powerful.

Keep it up, practice, become better. There's only up from this point onwards.

Magic fox profile legal with name2

over 1 year ago Naomi Folettia said:

*This is for my part of the A Poem for a Poem swap*

I gave the whole book a heart but I'm really commenting on the second one. The rhyming was effortless and I think anyone can relate to it in some way or other. Relationships can be a scary thing sometimes, letting someone in your life can be daunting.

I also liked how at the end you broke away from the rhyming and gave it a concluding feel. My favorite kind of poem style :)

Reviews(14)

P1110920

6 months ago Spirit said:

Hey, sorry this is so late! I keep forgetting about this website. I think your pack of poems is really good, and here’s some constructive criticism and praise about each one.

1. “The things”, repeated back to back is a little clunky, I’d pick one and rephrase the other. And while I like the rhyme scheme I didn’t notice it until unpure/cure. Don’t get me wrong though, I love using slant rhyme. (Also, I think it’s impure not unpure.) It’s successful in telling the story for the most part, but it leaves me wondering why the other woman left. Was it because of the heat that other people were giving the relationship?

2. I like what the poem is doing, but I get really tripped up on the phrase “feed my mouth”. It seems like a euphemism for kissing, and I can see the thought process behind it but I would phrase that differently. Also in the last line, could would make more sense than can, because its a hypothetical. Overall, the structure of each stanza successfully frames the questions you’re asking. I’ve seen some poems with structures like that not work, but yours really works well.

3. I really enjoyed reading this poem because of the arc the speaker goes through, and I’m glad it ended on a more hopeful note. I will say that the transition between the feelings in the fourth and fifth stanza feels kind of abrupt. Both images are very powerful, but it seems like there’s something missing from the story. What made the speaker feel like they were worth saving? My favorite line from this poem was “you are a ruler, but you are not in control”, because it successfully sets up the metaphor that makes up the rest of them poem. (Which I also really like).

4. First, I’d change the “your suit of silky skin” part, that didn’t read the way I think it was meant too. The use of the heroic knight archetype serves the poem well, and I can really related to the line about not realizing you were stabbed until the sword came out, as well as that entire stanza. One thing I’m noticing is that you’re good at telling a story by giving the reader just enough information, and keeping things intentionally vague.

5. I think talking about being gay as a perceived computer glitch is a really interesting way to explore the topic, and I think you did a lot with that. What makes it especially successful is how it builds on itself from the first stanza from just putting yourself in a box to explaining whats in the box. This is kind of nitpicky but I would take a look at how you wrote the dollar amount in the last stanza. Instead of writing the word dollar I’d consider imputing a dollar sign instead. The message behind this poem is strong, and well stated.

200

over 1 year ago Stephanie Horror said:

I write my reviews as I read along so anything I say is either me editing your errors or stating my opinions. You can take my review into consideration to help improve your writing or not.((:

More Than Lust

Oh Wow! What a lovely read and realistic poem you have here. Only critique I have is just add a comma after 'arms' and you have a interesting piece. I like how you write from a guy's perspective. Is it a guys perspective? Or a girl's? Whatever the case is, I honestly adore how realistic this poem is and enjoy the fact that this speaker's identity is mysterious. Nicely done here. ((:

Would You Still Love Me?

I adore this poem. I love the repetitive words, “Would you still...” that you have at every beginning stanza. Not only does it match with the title, but it also speaks out the questions people ask themselves or to others every day. It's a truly relating poem—one I even find relating for myself. Excellent work here.

Dear Razor/Dear Skin

First off, I don't really think you need a slash between 'Razor' and 'Dead'. Why not try putting a comma instead? That would look better and read better in my opinion.

Dear razor, Take my life. The 'T' doesn't need to be capitalized.

Alright, I just went ahead and read the rest of the poem. Now I want to say this, and this is just my suggestions so you can ignore by all means. After I got done reading this poem, you started out with Dear razor and switched towards the end to Dear Skin...Maybe this is just me, but I honestly think this entire poem can be uncombined. With that said, I would suggest just having one poem titled “Dear Razor” and use what you'd written for Razor, and then simply make another poem for “Dear Skin”. But personally, I wouldn't title it “Dear Skin,” I'd rather use something more...raw. Such as “Dear Me”... Because in some of the lines you written for Dear Skin, felt like they were more aiming towards you—your soul itself. Not technically the outside shell of the body, no. I mean as I said, you can ignore this by all means, but I would definitely experiment more with this poem. Perhaps maybe you could write a “Dear Me” poem and get inside a character's mind of why he/she self-harms. And then see where that leads you. Again, just an opinion of mine. ((:

Fairy Tale Knight

I love the title of this poem, but I honestly wasn't really feeling this poem. Maybe because you started out with free-verse and then you started making your lines rhyme with each other and then completely stopped. This shall be another fun experiment for you. The title you have for it is very bubbly and cute, and I honestly would make a certain rhyme scheme for this poem and stick with it. That's the only critique I have for this poem, and I also want to suggest another thing. Lately in your poems, I've seen you have short lines and then you have long structural lines that I believed could be shortened down. You have a lot of these long lines in this poem and it interrupts your flow. I highly recommend rewriting this poem over, just to make it more raw and refreshed. You have a beautiful idea for it, but I think to make it more polished would be to shorten your lines and stick with the rhyme scheme you had going. ((: Good luck with this poem.

Labels

So I packaged me up... Haha! As much as I love the word 'me' in this line, I honestly would suggest changing it to 'myself.'

Whoa! Okay I honestly cannot critique this. If I had to critique this, I would basically tell you the same thing about your long lines and trying to shorten them down just a tad and work on your rhyme scheme as you had a few words rhyme but the rest was free verse. Honestly, I love how strong your tone of voice is in this poem. It's wonderful and your ending gave me chills because of how outspoken the speaker got. I love poems that make a strict point like that and you seriously nailed that. I think its nice you wrote this poem to tell the world who you are. Everyone is different and special in their own ways, and I hope the speaker in this poem will soon realize they don't have to be afraid or show fear to reveal who they truly are. Please continue writing more pieces like these. I think the best thing out of all of your poems is your tone of voice.

Overall: Alright, you told me on my wall that these poems were still being under construction so instead of listing out a lot of errors, I just gave you a brief idea of what I thought and liked on every poem, including a bit of suggestions and critiques that I hope were helpful to you in anyway. I enjoy reading your work, and I hope to come back soon in the future to read more work from you just like this. Please continue writing!

-Stephanie