Ninja Chronicles

Ninja Chronicles

9 chapters / 14883 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

This is the story of 10 ninja:
Gary aka thesamuraiman
Tien aka Kiro The Soulless
Dimitri aka DASH
Larry aka JRGT
Alan aka Chaos
Keke aka Snow Bunny
Kyree aka Dead Master
David aka SoulSeeker
Ariana aka Nacht Engel
&
Regi aka Shadow Eagle
These young ninja have something in common; they were all, for the most part, unjustly banished from their original clans. Fate must have brought these teens together, for when they met up, one by one, they decided to form their own "clan". For the past four years, they've lived together as a family in this ninja-hidden world...but sometimes you can't trust your own family. What happens when something like that happens to someone who has nothing but family...?

Genres:

Action, Adventure, Comedy

Comments(23)

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almost 6 years ago Kara Chambers said:

Wow this is very good so far!!!!! I love the description. THere is a little to much telling in the prologue but that can easily be fixed. I definately plan to read more!

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almost 6 years ago Ashleigh Brooks said:

Ninjas are really awesome, and I think you have a great story here. It's also very humorous and I think Dimitri is my favorite character so far. :)

Dsc02129

almost 6 years ago ... said:

I only read some of this, but it's great. It's different from a lot of stuff on figment (in a good way). I love ninjas! :)

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almost 6 years ago ASA said:

hey, i didnt have much time, so i read chapter one. love the concept of modern-day ninjas! love the names and personalities of the characters. You did a great job so far. this is one of those pieces i will read a bit of every day. good job :)

Reviews(3)

Gabbi

almost 6 years ago Gabbi Struble said:

I only got to read the first chapter, but so far it's a very interesting story. I'm a strong believer in ninjas myself, infact one of my friends had declared me to be a ninja, but I'm not as awesome as these guys.

But I'm not here to rant, I'm here to review! As I read through your story, I wrote down some things that I found, so here we go...

In the 2nd paragraph: "The ninja learned unnatural abilities from the nature itself." I think it should be, "The ninja learned un-natual abilities from nature itself." And I think you should tell us how they did this. Did they study nature? Or did it just sort of speak to them?

3rd paragraph: "Woman, children, and men who were neither ninja or samurai were killed in the crossfire." Woman is sigular, it should be changed to Women.

"Alaska used to be connect to Russia before the war." I think you meant to say, "Alaska used to be connected to Russia before the war."

4th paragraph: "It is, by far, the bloodiest battle of mankind, ever, but you'll never read about it in a modern history book." I think it should be, "It was, by far, the bloodiest battle of mankind, though you'll never read about it in a modern history book."

That's it, so far. I'll be back later to read the rest. Keep up the good work, and I'll try to find my inner ninja!

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about 6 years ago AndreaKHill said:

Sorry I couldn't read more, NaNoWriMo and all, but hopefully I get to it later, when I have more time.

You have a very interesting premise here. The idea that ninja and Samurai are hidden within our modern world. I'm a little lost on why they would be persecuted, is it because they know magic? Maybe you could build on that a tad bit more.

Your P.O.V shifts are extremely jumpy, like VERY jumpy. Just watch that.

Also, your descriptions could flow a bit better. Get your characters to move during the main descriptions, it will just flow better. Also, be SUPER VERY WARY of your apparent insistence on separating the characters by skin color/race. People are very sensitive nowadays and can take that the wrong way. Try separating characters with things that are more neutral: hair color, eye color, tattoos, height, muscle definition, etc.

Plus, don't EVER use an emoction outside text message (including inside a story). If there was anything that screamed 'AMATEUR!' it would be that.

For me, I would take out the part near the end of the first chapter about the boys playing games and all the description about the game controllers. Unless they are their hidden weapons, the reader doesn't really care that so-and-so's control is white/black/whatever. You could shorten that into a half of a paragraph.

You have a very interesting premise and the characters have a good dynamic. Great job and keep writing!