A Pleasent Death

A Pleasent Death

1 chapter / 303 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

Inspired by my sister's poem 'Its my pride'
Check this one out-
http://figment.com/books/1017723-Its-my-pride-

Comments(10)

Theia

27 days ago Cynthia Silver☾✯ said:

Wow. I'm stunned speechless by the powerful message of this. I love how right-to-the-point you were with this, and it was really effective in delivering its message of patriotism. I especially loved how you never mentioned a specific country, which makes the story applicable to anyone and everyone. There is really nothing I can suggest, it was perfect all the way. Great job!

Photo0763

28 days ago Arietta Coleman said:

Short was great. Got its point across and is touching for anyone of any nation in war. :)

Bw icon

about 1 month ago Noceurx said:

I commend your skill for being able to tell such a fulfilling story in so few words :o This was very passionate with emotions flowing right off the page and a much more enjoyable read than I expected (I don't typically read these sorts of genres/topics.) The vivid imagery and way you expressed his feelings really drew me in. Great work here~!

Amvuri[1]

about 1 month ago Haley Kissell said:

Fantastic. Short and to the point but still thrilling.

Reviews(8)

Death timer

5 days ago Magan said:

Wow! This is a great writing! The words are powerful and you can really tell how much the character loves their home nation. Nothing I would suggest!

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17 days ago Hannah said:

Review Swap for “Dinner Party”

Sorry it’s taken so long to get to this, I’ve been swamped in homework -.-

Usually I write really lengthy reviews, but since this was so short, I don’t have very much to write on haha.

That being said, I think you could vary your sentence structure a little bit. Mostly they’re simple, starting with the subject (the majority of the time it’s “I”) and ending with the verb. For example: “I peeked through the side of my cover.” “I placed my right palm on the ground…” “I was born to die for her…” “I won’t say…” (And that was just going down the paragraph beginnings, not inside them). The sentences on their own are good, but when they’re all next to each other, this causes a lot of unnecessary repetition, which can lead the reader to grow bored and lose interest. It just settles the reader into a groove, which is great for poetry, but can get messy quite quickly for fiction. Just rearrange some of your sentences structures, and you’ll be golden!

Overall, that was my only complaint. It’s a nice nationalistic piece, and you really build up the character’s personality through indirect characterization, which is always really nice :)

Thanks for the swap, and I hope to hear feedback from you soon! Hope this was helpful :) Keep on writing!

Xx,

Hannah