2 chapters / 2518 words

Approximately 13 minutes to read


Bernie has anything but a normal life. When she forgets to take her anti-depression pill one morning comes the worse headache of her life. And then comes blackness. But with blackness comes visions that even she can't quite understand.


Writing, Fantasy


Talk 2

over 4 years ago Kia G. said:

Nice! It's really intense so far. The cover's great too. The one thing I don't get is the title. Asphyxiation is what most constrictor snakes do to their prey. I'm sure we'll get the meaning later. It's really intriguing, which makes the cliffhanger you left it all the more agonizing!


over 5 years ago Pamela Foj. said:

This is really good, however there are a few typos. The one that bothered me most was that you kept typing "starred" and "starring" instead of "staring" and "stared." Anyway, like I already said, this was really good! I hope you write more!


about 6 years ago Matteus Harper said:

This looks good...

Please continue it?


over 6 years ago Angela Funk said:

This is really great and interesting!



over 5 years ago Yerdua Awesomeness said:

Just a couple things to say. "Aunt" in "aunt Annete" should be capitalized. Aunt Annete. Stared instead of Starred. Hmmm. Asphyxiate means suffocate, and I usually associate it with death. Funny title. She didn't SEEM to be asphyxiating. But I don't know. I like, and you should write more. Really.


over 6 years ago Angel said:

Wow :O I really liked this. Your writing is very well done, and you bring the reader into the story of this girl's life with a whole lot of grace. At the end of the first two chapters, I wanted more - and I'd say that's a really good thing. You now have a follower.

I really love the subtle way you brought in magic (actually, the music I was listening to when I read that part matched perfectly :D). Aunt Anette seems like an interesting character and I would like to know more about her later in the story. :)

All in all, fantastic work. I have no critiques for you :) Continue this, please?