All Will Be One

All Will Be One

24 chapters / 7917 words

Approximately 40 minutes to read

Description:

"All Will Be One" sums up the Phyrexian philosophy of conquest as they bring purity to the plane of Mirrodin

Comments(6)

Avatar-thumb

about 1 month ago tarekil2 said:

You wrote it very well, it is very nice to read this. continued

Img_3492 (2)

6 months ago Samuel Roberts said:

I'm somewhere in the middle of chapter 5, and so far this is amazing. I will point out though that you left out some punctuation at the beginning.

Nano-2017-participant-badge

7 months ago Eowyn Doyle said:

Please continue this! I need more!

160

10 months ago Damien Redfield said:

For all of you who have no idea what this is based off of... Magic: The Gathering.

Reviews(4)

Img_3492 (2)

6 months ago Samuel Roberts said:

Wow! Now that I'm finished, I can write a review. Overall I think it's great. I only noticed several flaws. First off, I could kind of tell that it was a very rough first draft. If it was me, I would run through the chapter and check grammar and punctuation before posting the chapter. But that's just me. Also, I think the part in Ch.1 where it says "Samuel was now 15" was kinda...strange. IMO it probably should have been elaborated on or not as rushed, maybe woven into the story. Besides that, it was a great story! Can't wait for more!

Img_20161225_214402290-01

11 months ago Hansmita Priyavrat said:

So, I have no idea of the original world behind you fanfiction... And I am still very much hooked!!! You have done amazing job!

I loved your crisp style, epic quotable dailogues (Do you mind if I quote them, will mention you, of course) and intresting storyline. My live review goes...

Prologue: A very precise and apt introduction. Savage have great guts and a great father. The whole scene had a very "With Great Power comes Great Responsibility" Scene essence and feel. You brought it out really well. It has done its job. A reader will be tempted to read ahead.

Chapter 1: AWWWW ... I liked his father! I liked the fluid action in your scenes, the emotional quality of your style and your descriptions. I could get a fairly good idea of what this was all about and what exactly Phyrexians were. Well done! However, I beleive this chapter needs another revision. There were some typo errors that would upset a fluid reader really enoying your world. For instance... "Already two other battalion's of the Mirran Resistance had got their but the army ordered another battalion to be sent encase they needed back up" It would be "got there" and "in case they needed".

"Assuming each squad had 4 men in each." "Each being repeated twice confuses the reader.

"Few more houses down he could see his family's house". Won't it be better to say "He could see his HOME"?

There are other such mistakes but this is the only problem I found here. Great job, otherwise. I am excited to see what happens to Savage.

Chapter 2 Okay!! Savage has teleported. And I am very curious about those two angels. Orol seems like another intresting character, please give him some epicness of Savage's Father. The same problems persist in this chapter too.

"Whoa easy their" would be easy there. "He followed but first getting his hand free from her" The easier version " He followed her, after getting his hands free from her grip".

Other than that, great chapter! I am actually finding these Phyrexians more dangerous by each chapter. Excited to read ahead.

Chapter 3: Okay. Now the links are joining. Why does the head of this plane is her mother's twin? Too many questions. Nice job! But I don't think you need to paste the whole memory here. Just some particular details will be enough. Also, I liked this version of "Savage loose his Family" better. Perhaps use it in chapter 1? Another nice chapter!!!

Overall, great story, intresting plot, very likable character... You've got it all. All you need is some good editing. You have some problems with punctuation as well. That said.... You really have me hooked! FEED ME MORE!!!