Untitled

Untitled

9 chapters / 7114 words

Approximately 36 minutes to read

Description:

©2017 By MaryAnn Cunningham ~ Jess does not see the world as others see it. She is different; and she doesn't know if that is a good or bad thing. However, when tragedy strikes and her mom suddenly passes away, Jess does what her mom wants her to do: get a life and go to high school.

Genres:

Drama, Novel, Adventure

Comments(12)

Ay1

about 1 month ago Ayesha Binte Islam said:

The way you have written "Untitled" - it's amazing! Great job! :-)

Qsshieldcolor

2 months ago Isabel S. said:

I'm always interested in stories that have people with disabilities in them. Just curious: how much do you know about deaf people? She seems to understand what's going on a lot better than a normal deaf person would in my opinion. Also, reading lips isn't easy or 100% infallible. Just watch any of those bad-lip-reading videos out there.

Pokemon

2 months ago A.D. Emile {Kyron} said:

The story is really descriptive and I loved that thing. However it sounded a bit informal to me, you can edit it or keep it as it is, it doesn't really matter much.

Nice job. Keep it up :D

Capture

2 months ago Jazzy said:

I absolutely loved this story, I can't wait to see more from you! And I'd love it if you'd take a look at my writing, I just recently started out and really need some opinions on it!

Reviews(3)

Profile pic 2

19 days ago G. Francis said:

NOTE: I give constructive feedback based on my opinion and past experience as a writer. I don't expect you to take all or any of my advice if it doesn't suit your preferences.

Prologue

It's a good start. The sense of rambling in the prologue really gives me the sense of more rambling to come, which shows much of the personality of the character. I can tell this will be a very captivating and intriguing story; the only thing that I suggest is to not repeat yourself so much. I understand some parts, the repetition is for emphasis, but others, it's a little too much.

Chapter 1

My first thoughts: why start chapter 1 with a car wash. I know it's to show more about Jess and how she reacts to an uncomfortable situation, but to me, it kind of looks like a filler chapter: unnecessary. Much of this chapter can be inferred. Despite this, I still think it's effective in a way that makes the reader smile and empathize with Jess.

Chapter 2

"How did my parents all of a sudden gain my trust?" How did they gain her trust? I think this might've been a mistake of words since it has nothing to do with what Jess was just saying. I assume you meant how did Jess all of a sudden gain her parents' trust. This mistake aside, very good chapter! I certainly didn't expect her to be able to hear (or was that just her imagination?). It definitely pushed me to want to read on.

Chapter 3

Good opening sentence to chapter 3 but the part when you told the reader to "imagine when...", in my opinion, kind of killed it. I thought it was unnecessary and would've been more effective if Jess just told the reader directly; I would've empathized with her just the same. Nonetheless, you saved it towards the end with more backstory on her dad and gave us more of a peek into her life. I can't wait to find out how high school life will affect her as a person! =)

Chapter 4

Jess agreed with going to high school surprisingly quick! In a way, it seems unrealistic, but maybe it shows how good her relationship with her brother is that she would listen to him instead of her parents. The suspense in this story really makes my heart race, wanting to know what happens next! I hope Jess's mother is okay. One small detail in the end that isn't right, text messages don't take minutes (just thought I'd point it out).

Chapter 5

Very emotional chapter, seeing Jess fight with her own feelings and I can tell this must be a very difficult situation for her to be in. You portray this well and don't fail to tell all the details, even the small ones. Good job.

Chapter 6

My thinking right now: Why does she only think of her dad when her mother just died from a heart attack? Wow, this book is showing a lot of her just rebelling against her authorities! It's not a bad thing, showing how she reacts in a situation, but it gets repetitive.

Chapter 7

You do a good job in this chapter, hinting that there are more struggles to come. I feel that Clare making a show to talk differently for Jess is just the first struggle, although she reacted nicely when Jess told her she didn't have to talk like that. She could be a good friend or just be fake; I hope to find out! =)

Chapter 8

Suspenseful chapter! Her struggles really are just beginning. You show how a nice face can just be mask. Despite her being deaf, she still goes to a party and is put through pressure to try something that she shouldn't. And now her new friends are taken away; I can just tell, this is not a good start to her high school years.

Overall

Very good story so far! I hope to read more in the future. There were grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, etc. but those can be fixed with careful rereading so I didn't mention them until now. Anyways, good job and keep it up!

- G

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4 months ago adiedo said:

Hello! First of all, I want to apologize for taking SO long to return this swap! D: Second, I wanna thank you for your AMAZINGLY kind review! :) It was so encouraging and I truly do hope you stick around as I add more chapters. I'd love to hear your opinion!

Now onto the review! Okay, I really liked your first line. It didn't throw me off (which is rare for me). At times it feels as if I'm just chatting with a friend because the writing style is so casual haha. But then after it point it can get a bit annoying because your main character is one of those walking catastrophe friends that just talk about how everything is going wrong xD Maybe try speeding up the plot a bit?

A few things I noticed is that she mentions something along the lines of, "when you're singing and you know you're off-key but you don't really do anything to fix it", yet how would she even really know what any of that means? She even mentions that she has no clue what's going on in church during the singing haha

There were a few other small inconsistencies about her hearing, so I'd advise maybe just kinda skimming through and correcting those. Other than that, good job and keep writing! :)