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Approximately 36 minutes to read
©2017 By MaryAnn Cunningham ~ Jess does not see the world as others see it. She is different; and she doesn't know if that is a good or bad thing. However, when tragedy strikes and her mom suddenly passes away, Jess does what her mom wants her to do: get a life and go to high school.
24 days ago Ayesha Binte Islam said:
The way you have written "Untitled" - it's amazing! Great job! :-)
about 1 month ago Isabel S. said:
I'm always interested in stories that have people with disabilities in them. Just curious: how much do you know about deaf people? She seems to understand what's going on a lot better than a normal deaf person would in my opinion. Also, reading lips isn't easy or 100% infallible. Just watch any of those bad-lip-reading videos out there.
about 1 month ago Auroni D. Emile (Kyron) said:
The story is really descriptive and I loved that thing. However it sounded a bit informal to me, you can edit it or keep it as it is, it doesn't really matter much.
Nice job. Keep it up :D
about 1 month ago Jazzy said:
I absolutely loved this story, I can't wait to see more from you! And I'd love it if you'd take a look at my writing, I just recently started out and really need some opinions on it!
3 months ago adiedo said:
Hello! First of all, I want to apologize for taking SO long to return this swap! D: Second, I wanna thank you for your AMAZINGLY kind review! :) It was so encouraging and I truly do hope you stick around as I add more chapters. I'd love to hear your opinion!
Now onto the review! Okay, I really liked your first line. It didn't throw me off (which is rare for me). At times it feels as if I'm just chatting with a friend because the writing style is so casual haha. But then after it point it can get a bit annoying because your main character is one of those walking catastrophe friends that just talk about how everything is going wrong xD Maybe try speeding up the plot a bit?
A few things I noticed is that she mentions something along the lines of, "when you're singing and you know you're off-key but you don't really do anything to fix it", yet how would she even really know what any of that means? She even mentions that she has no clue what's going on in church during the singing haha
There were a few other small inconsistencies about her hearing, so I'd advise maybe just kinda skimming through and correcting those. Other than that, good job and keep writing! :)
4 months ago Hannah B. Nanna said:
Take Two... copy pasting before I send so I make sure this gets to you. ;)
First, I love your style of writing. It has a certain je ne sais quoi feel to it that makes it perky, funny at times, interesting, relatable and overall pretty well rounded. I especially liked your first line because I have this deep philosophy about first lines: they have to be gripping. Yours did not disappoint! It introduced the inklings of a plot from the get-go and brought about the idea of her problems from the very beginning, but also showed her character in that she sees her weaknesses as strengths:
here's my advice: when I was about your age, a wee little lass, I once wrote something very similar to this but my character was not deaf, she was blind. The character found that she was a better person because of it and that she could find her way regardless and as excited as I was about this, my best friend said:
This is boring.
Okay, I know that's an awful thing to say. But now that I'm so very much older and wiser (cough, sometimes) I see why: perfect characters are plotless characters. They're just... not interesting. If you're going to give her trial, own it. Make her hate every second of it, because how else is she supposed to grow throughout the remainder of the story if she's already secure about herself? I get to some degree you're trying to create this perfect life before it all turns to shambles (based on you saying her mother dies in the plot summary) but if you want your readers to be hooked, stick to tribulations like that seen in your glorious first sentence. Make your MC suffer. Make readers want to see her progress in some way or another. A piece of advice one of my writing teachers gave me was to introduce the plot in the first chapter... and why not? The sooner the readers have the gist of the plot, the more likely they'll want to keep reading to see how it's resolved. Overall you have the workings of some great plot points, but I would love to see them carried through and how it will make Jess progress as a character.
P.S. it's a little weird she calls her brother handsome haha. Not that my brothers aren't, but when I look at them I just see them as the turd heads who teased me growing up, not as stunning, good looking men haha. But, you love them anyway... just not for their looks. XD
I think your strongest writing point is your ability to pay close attention to detail in non-cliche ways. You are able to take small things and expound on them in more depth than most people are able to (I saw this more in chapter 5 than in the prologue, but saw none the less. P.S. I wasn't sure if you meant to have chapter 5 published but I read it anyway haha.) As this was a very strong point of yours, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to expound on that ability and to do even more than this, because I find this one of the most engaging pieces of your writing. In particular I'm thinking of a part in ch. 5 when you're talking about her crying.
However, on details, I noted that there was dialogue in 5 which seemed a little inconsistent with Jess being deaf. I know she lost her hearing at 2, but I don't know many two year olds who can formulate proper sentences. Make sure to point out she's signing her dialogue, not speaking it. :)
Overall, this is the workings of a piece with much potential and I'm interested to see where you're going to take it! Write on!