1 chapter / 1343 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read




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5 months ago Val said:

This was actually very interesting to read so far. Having gone through the divorce of my own parents a few years ago, I can relate a lot to the character. I remember the anger I felt for the first year or so, mostly directed to my mom. It's a hard process, and your character has a very difficult situation balancing New York with her father and Minnesota with her mother. I've never had such a huge distance to travel for my parents (they live only down the road from each other), so this was very intriguing. I'm curious to see where this goes for her.

I never caught the girls name if you did put it in. Not sure if this was intentional or not. I'm also wondering how old she is. I suspected teenager at first but when she's reading in the pool you describe the person swimming as 'the teenager' which leads me to believe the main character is younger than that. Some clarification could be useful on that point.

You do a good job describing her when she's looking in the mirror at the hotel. Other points could use some more detail just to lengthen and strengthen what you've already go down. Other than a few spelling errors and some awkward wording, this is very good so far.