Skin Deep

Skin Deep

1 chapter / 2033 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read

Description:

He's going to notice what you did, Kelsie and Ben. You can't hide from Uncle Wort. (Figgy Idol Audition 2017)

Comments(1)

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10 months ago v.c. snow said:

This was a really well-written story! You did a good job giving detail on the workshop in a way that didn't bore reader. I was also curious throughout as to what would happen.

I have a few suggestions.

I noticed that too many words were emphasized that didn't need to be, such as "in" and "I'm" and a few others. Emphasize should be used carefully, otherwise it loses its effect.

Also, during the part where the MC tried to convince the parents to stay, but they "saw right through it," honestly, this is unrealistic to an extent. If they could see right through the act, surely they would see that the kids were obviously afraid of something and that's why they didn't want them to leave. I would mention a bit more why the parents persisted on leaving.

Other than that, this was a great story. Good work.

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