The Dragon

The Dragon

1 chapter / 1034 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Genres:

Writing

Comments(3)

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3 months ago Slamet Hafidin said:

Greeting admin ,,,, Paket Umroh Mei Paket Umroh Ramadhan Paket Umroh April

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5 months ago Zavier Alexander said:

While this was written with a word count in mind, do keep the thought of not trying to compress a big story into a short story for this contest. That is not what they are looking for. Trust me with that. They are looking for true short stories. Meaning that get it as close to the action as possible and unfold from there without a lot of fluff. Be careful with all the commas. Some of the sentences could have been broken up or reworded to help with that. Do keep this one in your back pocket and work on it.

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5 months ago zuhrikhazzanah said:

He is very funny.. I like it.. Paket Umroh Mei 2017

Reviews(1)

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5 months ago Zavier Alexander said:

My first thought about the story is when I read the title: The Dragon. Could be really good or fall short of the high bar set for this topic. Going with that thought for a moment, I would say that this story should be revisited. This has a great structure to it, but lacks the muscle, details, and emotion to make it truly great. We only get a glimpse of what the character is truly thinking. She was sold to a dragon by her father, what was going through her mind concerning that? Does she harbor any resentment towards him for it? My father left the picture before I had memory, and to this day, I've harbor a mild hatred towards him for that. We don't see the character get mad until she gets raped and robbed. You should explode with emotion at this point! The man committed betrayal, thievery, and a number of other barbaric actions in the same setting. But, all we see is that the character is mad. What was the dragon's motive in the story? Why does she hole up in the castle? Is she a smaller framed dragon that she doesn't need the massive space that we stereotype dragons with needing? At this point, I have no idea what the dragon looks like other than being female. Green, blue, red, white, black? Why has she suddenly aged so much in a few years? Was she old when she acquired the young lady? I struggled with this concept because we equate dragons with living for long years. I don't understand the food situation and her needing to go to town. If she has lived there for all those years, she would have gone to town numerous times and yet, no one knows who she is yet. How is the dragon to find out if someone recognizes her anyway? I go to town often and people recognize me but my wife knows nothing about it unless I tell her. The ending(?) was good. Having her be with the dragon for all those years and then in her mad fury, have the blind rage of a dragon was well thought out. I think once you go back and really fill in the missing parts that this story would be really good. I can only imagine the conversation she would have with the dragon. Did they get along both being female? I know that you wrote this for an audition, however, this could easily expand into a stand alone novel. Something to consider.