Under Our Skin

Under Our Skin

13 chapters / 2003 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read

Description:

Every time you write on your skin it appears on your soulmate's and helps them find you. The catch? Not only is it extremely painful for them, like getting a tattoo, but the marks are permanent.
Mira Lanning has no sympathy for her soulmate. She doesn't know who he is, only that he's hurt her since she was a year old. Though used to the pain, she can never get used to the idea that someone would want to hurt the one they'll be with forever. But when she finally decides to find him, she's confronted with the question that matters most-

Which is worse? Being in pain-


Or being alone?


Told in the POV's of Mira and her soulmate, Antoni

Comments(5)

Better one

about 1 month ago September Edenshaw said:

This idea caught my interest. I loved how you made a long story short - how to you people do that?

Anyway, I loved the POVs and the way you describe the scene. I wish this was real... Just kidding of course!

Just keep writing.

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about 1 month ago Roanoke Wilde said:

Wow! I actually read this last night, but it was too late to comment. XD This was an EXCELLENT, unique idea, and I loved all the emotion you infused into this. Good job! :P

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about 1 month ago Paris Pearl said:

This was such a unique idea and your writing is excellent! You have a talent for engaging the reader. Good job:)

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about 1 month ago Rave said:

Loved this!

Reviews(4)

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26 days ago Christian Morrison said:

Sorry for the late review, but here it is!

The story was actually a pretty cool one. I don't know if you're leaving what happens between Mia and Antoni up to reader's inference or not, but either way, you've done really well. You've written the story well, and honestly, I didn't see a single error, period. There's not much to review, just because you've done such a great job.

Good job!

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about 1 month ago Caitlyn E. Lloyd said:

As per request on my swap forum post I am critiquing your short story! Please give my book The Heart of a Changeling a look and critique when you can!

Arighty! I was so excited to read this when I read your description, this reminds me of a tumblr post I saw a while back and always thought it would make a good story!

Short stories, in my opinion, are either hit or miss. It takes a special kind of story and characters to move at a pace that compliments the word limit but also not move so fast that it takes the reader out of the story. I feel like, for the most part, your story moves along at a constant speed. It's quick, but a constant pace. There are moments where your 'fastness' slows down drastically, like when she takes a shower. Little things like that, that really aren't detrimental to the main story line. Your story is two people meeting. A+b=c. I guess what I am trying to say is, if you took out the lines about her shower, would the story end the same? If yes, then it isn't necessary and slows down the flow anyways.

There were also details that were random and kind of a bitter tease to something more. Let me explain better. This story has a drastic lack of detail to begin with. I don't know ages, hair color, ethnicity, apartment size, cafe menu etc. WHICH IS FINE. Its a short story, and again your end goal isn't to paint a picture of the city and their lives. But, you randomly have little bits of description that are so rare int he story they are out of place. The fact that her apartment is unheated, that her hair is messy in the wind, that her parents died. These are all open and loose ends and since its a short story and you probably never mean to go back and expand its just mean to tease a reader like that! Ha ha. I hope that all makes sense!

My last critique is more a question than anything, it kind of rang in my ears the whole time I was reading: If in this world everyone knows soulmates communicate by writing on themselves . . . then in theory, I feel like everyone would be numb to the idea that eventually their mate would contact them and of course it would hurt . . . If anything I found HER selfish for expecting anything less. It's the norm. Something everyone knows and does, so her reaction to it was a bit strange to me. I understand the hesitation of actually meeting him, but for other reasons, not because he was inflicting pain. Just a personal thought! Oh, also, how did he know what city she lived in? Ha ha.

Anyways, over all I really liked it. It's a beautiful concept, a brutal sacrifice to give in order to find The One. Great job! If you ever plan on expanding this world I would love to read more!