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Approximately 3 minutes to read
about 22 hours ago •Jinghay• said:
1 day ago a ghost of a once happy girl said:
I like smile. It really brings the true reason of why we fake smiles so often.
2 days ago •Jinghay• said:
Loved the newest update! Eyes are amazing.
19 days ago •Jinghay• said:
The rain poem is cute and sweet :)
20 days ago LeChevalierRoland said:
Daww. That is how I felt after chapter nine. A sad daww. You have a repetitive style and while sometimes it doesn’t help, in this case it really did. I really related to the end of chapter eight. That feeling of just wanting to go to bed and sleep forever is rather universal. Of course it also sounds borderline depression, but I think people can understand that feeling. I also really liked chapter 7. It flowed well. I enjoyed the repetition of chapter five. Chapter six had me wondering what you were alluding to. I felt like the narrator could be talking about the boy’s gf. But I also felt it could be the boy talking about the narrator. I felt that was more likely, but considering the hateful tone it didn’t make sense. Why would he speak about her when she is so good to him?
Some things to work on: 1. First italics in chapter 6 are good, but second felt excessive. 2. First stanza felt choppy. Overall, your lines are usually rather short and sometimes it works. Sometimes it is too short.
Overall, a good piece.