Liaffon Book One: East Seekers

Liaffon Book One: East Seekers

14 chapters / 30267 words

Approximately about 3 hours to read

Description:

Cover by me. Updated(08/15/2017). This version is made for easier reviewing. Be sure to check the "Index".
Belome Konas, age 20, was given the job as Glass Wielder. But this is traditionally meant for the eldest in the glassmaking family. The once close brothers lose touch of each other and their father forbids them to tell even the village leader about this. Although the Harvest Festival seemingly reunites them, an old family enemy, the Terrens are rumored to have returned. They threaten to kill Belome but then the Guardians choose him to travel in his leader's place on a journey that will change his life. But change is exactly what he doesn't want.

Genres:

Writing, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(8)

Somestuff

2 months ago Samuel Roberts said:

It was great! Honestly one of the more creative works I've read. I also appreciate the amount of research you must've had to do (regarding glassmaking).

Pokemon

3 months ago A.R. KYRON said:

Another thing, I felt for some reason that the portion where the brothers are named officially should be the beginning of a new chapter. You can keep the first chapter as prologue.

Just personal thoughts :)

Best of luck again!

Pokemon

3 months ago A.R. KYRON said:

I read the first chapter only.

Goodness me! Why is it so good? Just awesome! Splendid!

Firstly, I'd say the title is awesome. I mean, I love the name of the village. 'Liaffon' sounds cool and adventurous!

Honestly speaking, I found nothing much to criticize.

The description was good enough, I was lost in the book.

Only one suggestion, put the glossary at the beginning.

Keep it up. I'll try to read more soon :)

Red

3 months ago Red said:

Okay, I looked at Chapter 4...and saw that it was under construction :p

Then I looked at Chapter 3 again and noticed that you fixed some of the things I pointed out.

Belome did manage to properly react and the woman(was it a man in the previous draft?) was actually pretty intimidating this time around.

The end also had me intrigued...and I highly suspect Paetok's sudden brotherliness(I think it's spelled without a 'y') is just because he had something to do with the woman.

I still can't see quite how the story picks off(not a criticism, mind you), but there's at least something to look forward to now(again, not a criticism, but the last two chapters...well they just ended by just setting up the world).

Reviews(18)

Red

6 days ago Red said:

Sorry my reviews are so infrequent...

Chapter 4:

Okay, I didn't remember most of the names, so I had to backtrack and do a lot of re-reading...

Sleepae? Sleepida?

"I need to become wise fast"...irrelevant to the current conversation and only relevant to his backstory.

"The old ones for the North Dwellers"...nothing but your healthy dose of racism for the day.

"Relieved that Naegret was till willing to be friends"...

1) Belome is too worried as to what other people think.

2) Wasn't Naegret's behavior expected?

Boy shie= Tomboy?

Also these people must get amused real easily if they laugh at calling someone fat.

"...not all North Dwellers fall to South Dweller ways"...I see that the racism is on both sides.

What's a Savaj?...I know that this review must consist of mostly questions...sorry about that.

Overall Summary: In terms of atmosphere...excellent. But this chapter's very skippable. It could be summarized with "Belome walks around town, wonders about past events and talks with people"...not much would be lost if this chapter wasn't read. Of course I am not telling you to delete this or anything, I get that the world must be set up and all...but there's too little plot here.

Maybe one daycover1

6 days ago Ashley C. Nicole said:

Chapter 1: - The opening really pulls me in. I want to know who the Glass Wielder is and why this person is hiding in the workshop. - The entire concept of glass wielding is fascinating, and I think you did a really good job of describing it. - It was a bit hard to follow in the beginning with the different ways you labeled the father (the Glass Wielder/the Master/their father/Pops). While I think it’s fair to use all of these different labels, you go through the four of them within your first six paragraphs (two of which are one-liners). Maybe consider omitting one or bringing one of them in a little later in the chapter? - There’s a lot of world-building going on in this first chapter, which is necessary but also a little confusing. I’m wondering what happens when a family goes against the Guardians and how a punishment can be severe enough to scare them but still not enough to stop them from naming Belome as the Glass Wielder? Also, you throw out a lot of random names/people (Reaping Avessia, Velodis, the Teller) who I assume will mean a lot later on, but they kind of get lost in the context of the chapter. Still, I figure they’re necessary to introduce now; I’m just making note of them for future chapters. - How will Belome take over as Glass Wielder without anyone knowing? His father tells him he can’t tell anyone, so perhaps this job is done in secret without mention of who’s making the glassware? - The end is very ominous and makes me want to keep reading. It gives it a sort of spooky and mysterious vibe, which is perfect. - Overall, really enjoyed this!! You’ve obviously thought this plot and world through, and it paid off. My critiques were really just minor questions to help me as I keep reading.