Varvana's Power

Varvana's Power

3 chapters / 5716 words

Approximately 29 minutes to read


This is the second draft of Varvana's Power so far. I will update as I edit each chapter.

Scarlett has been waiting for this chance her entire life; the chance to get close to the King. By traveling to the Capital, she will be entering into a contest to become the prince's bride. But things get more complicated as she travels into the politics of court. Will she make it out unharmed?



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2 months ago C.M. Brighid Bachleda said:

All three chapters were well written and I look forward to the next installment...


2 months ago ThePenMaster said:

I like Scarlett as a character. She seems to be one of the strong female leads and I like that. It's unusual to find a female character being strong.

My one suggestion is in your opening paragraph. "The lack of sound seemed to echo throughout the street."

The word echo is usually used to imply the something is louder. It feels like you are contrasting yourself using the word echo and lack of sound in the same sentence. It could just be me, but I think you might want to write this differently.



2 months ago Kat Hartla said:

Chapter 3:

the argument blew up "so largely", maybe the word "dramatically" would be more fitting

repeat of the word "pulling" you could use "tugging"

Surely she would have noticed the "3days time" bit earlier, like at the end of 1st ch/start of 2nd?

Also, having grown up in this town, and frequenting James' bar often as you said she dd, surely she would have met his daughter before? Wouldn't she have served as a waitress before?

I'm enjoying this, and very curious to find out what happens next!!!


2 months ago Kat Hartla said:

So here goes Chapter 2:

Try not to repeat the word "kitchen", maybe go for "room"?

Again, "my father" stands out, you can just write "him"

I agree with the previous review, too many fancy "said" words during their argument, you know sometimes you don't even have to put a word, as sometimes the speech marks are enough.

Why is "father" capitalised all of a sudden?

This is the second time you use "march" to describe how she walks, I'm not sure it's the right word, she's not a soldier, and it tend to be used to describe non-soldier characters only when they are attempting to hold on to their dignity

Hmmm, this chapter is very good, but it doesn't flow quite as well as the previous one. I think you should try reading it aloud, it might help you hear some of the sentences which don't feel quite right. Overall however, I am getting very interested in this plot!