Little Black Book

Little Black Book

1 chapter / 790 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

A collection of short stories and other things

*~*The story in this collection changes from time to time to get different feedback. There will be a notice in the comments/review section when that happens. Thanks*~*

Genres:

Writing, Short Story

Comments(34)

Smiling_japanese_guy_by_liviusquinky-d4lllqn

7 days ago Tanuma Kuroyike said:

I deeply enjoy this story. It is intriguing how in a small room with barely any conversation going on, a psychological battle is ongoing between the main character and the therapist, each trying to get the other to confess their vulnerabilities. The subtle sexual undertones is infused very well into the writing, and the narration gives us the intricate and unorthodox thinking of the character. Nicely done!

200

16 days ago Stephanie Horror said:

A proofread is needed to go back and check for your spelling or missing words, but other than that I like how you expressed the narrator's thoughts and emotions throughout the passage. It got a little confusing though when the therapist began to talk about her life. I was thrown off by that and would say to expand this story, but seeing how you keep your stories short to minimum, I won't bother. Not after reading that last line of what the narrator written in the journal, it's suddenly clear of what the narrator was getting at. I like your idea.

-Stephanie

Sykdom_500

about 1 month ago Opium said:

I see you expanded it a little. It still makes little sense to me though. Maybe I'm just like those other therapists? :\

But I'm guessing you're curious at this point, so here, I present to you

The List Of Things I Do Not Understand

- If he had already given up on her, and to him she's not even worth talking to, why does he get so excited after a simple "Fine" from her? How does he know she just had a sudden change of heart?

- Why the sudden change of heart? Or was she just prending not to understand him this whole time (until now)?

- I don't see how being immersed in other worlds while not even noticing your own life relates to the uncertainty that he talks about at the beginning. Sounds like a whole different feeling to me.

- Why did she jump and grab at her heart like an impressionable old lady? Did she get spooked by the slamming door? If so - it's her office, where she had many sessions, so she should be used to the sound by now.

- I don't get his urge to run and stab her heart.

- I'm not entirely sure what makes this whole thing his victory and her defeat.

So, that's that... I'm not really sure weather you couldn't get it right, or I'm just making too big a deal of it, but I know one thing for sure - I don't want to go back to that office again. I like it a lot better when you write fantasy.

Sykdom_500

about 1 month ago Opium said:

Um... what?

Okay, I see you're back to that scene again, but -- what the hell is going on? I tried to understand, I read it over a few times, but it still looks like a bunch of nothing to me. I mean, I get what's happening - same thing as last time, patient forced to sit through the therapy, being annoyed about it, unable to get his thoughts through to other people. But this time, both characters' sentences and reactions seem to come out of nowhere and lead to nothing. Their interaction does not make any sense... at least to me it doesn't.

I'm sorry, but I'll skip a review for this one. I'm just really confused...

Reviews(38)

I'm a mess

about 1 month ago DontPutOnThatDress said:

*~* the story has been updated *~*

Sykdom_500

about 1 month ago Opium said:

[Surprise review outta nowhere]

"My Dreamer"

Like the last time, expect this to be very biased. And like the last time, I won't make any grammar corrections (pretty sure you've gotten plenty of those in other reviews), but I just have to say - you need to work on that. I get it, at this point the grammar is not that important to you, and you're more interested in seeing what people think of your ideas, but once you get to writing something big and serious, grammar will play a big role. It will determine weather people will actually take you seriously. I'm no writer or critic - far from it, but I've read plenty of books (including some self-published), as well as book reviews, so I'm just providing my observations: grammar has a really big impact on the readers' experience. A lot of people will just drop a book and not even consider it worth giving a chance after seeing wonky grammar (tbh, I'm guilty of that myself sometimes)

Anyway, now that that's out of the way... The story.

It feels very Neil Gaiman-y (love it). For all I know, it could be a Sandman fanfiction (Morpheus had another son?...) Amazing little scene. This time, there's nothing here for me to be a smart-ass about. When it comes to spirits/gods/other realms, it's pointless to look for logic and common sense. The rules and laws of our world don't apply there, the writer is free to make up their own rules. If something is confusing, it's just incomprehensible to us humans; if it's unexplained, it's a mystery. You can interpret it your own way, and not worry weather it's correct. I dig that. I can just relax and enjoy this great unknown, without being bothered by trivialities.

I like the way you described the girl's feelings, and this world that is her refuge. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy ^_^

Very interesting POV. A child of a god/spirit (or rather, as I'm still inclined to believe, Sandman himself), who rejoices at seeing the happiness and purity in a human soul, emotional and careless as any child, still has a lot to learn from the wise father. Very original and refreshing, makes it a much more interesting read.

Well, that's about it. I may have interpreted some things differently from what you intended, but hey, as I said - that's the beauty of this kind of fantasy.

PS: It's rare to see someone with a great and vivid imagination like yours. Write more pls :)