Little Black Book

Little Black Book

1 chapter / 635 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

A collection of short stories and other things

*~*The story in this collection changes from time to time to get different feedback. There will be a notice in the comments/review section when that happens. Thanks*~*

Genres:

Writing, Short Story

Comments(36)

Photo0024

21 days ago Ian Reeve said:

This is a very moving story, made more so by the way one misery is heaped upon another. First she's just sitting there suffering nothing more than an attack of angst, but then it's revealed that she's got cancer, then that she comes from a severely dysfunctional family, and then it seems to hint that she's actually dying, that there's no real hope left for recovery. One shock builds on the one before until the reader is left almost punchdrunk, and it left me wishing for one last paragraph in which someone just gives her a big hug. A very nice bit of writing, though. Well done.

Could you please take a look at my story "Alone" which, I think, may have been sent to me by the same muse that sent yours. Thanks.

I'm a mess

about 1 month ago DontPutOnThatDress said:

*~* The Story has been updated *~*

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2 months ago Tanuma Kuroyike said:

I deeply enjoy this story. It is intriguing how in a small room with barely any conversation going on, a psychological battle is ongoing between the main character and the therapist, each trying to get the other to confess their vulnerabilities. The subtle sexual undertones is infused very well into the writing, and the narration gives us the intricate and unorthodox thinking of the character. Nicely done!

200

3 months ago Stephanie Horror said:

A proofread is needed to go back and check for your spelling or missing words, but other than that I like how you expressed the narrator's thoughts and emotions throughout the passage. It got a little confusing though when the therapist began to talk about her life. I was thrown off by that and would say to expand this story, but seeing how you keep your stories short to minimum, I won't bother. Not after reading that last line of what the narrator written in the journal, it's suddenly clear of what the narrator was getting at. I like your idea.

-Stephanie

Reviews(41)

Sykdom_500

16 days ago Opium said:

"Cruel Joke"

Damn, this one's a piece of art! You've definitely stepped your game up. Nearly every sentence is poetic and uses really colorful words to make each paragraph seem like a painted picture. But I do have some criticisms, of course. (skipping grammar, as usual)

The name "Cruel Joke". With all the beautiful sentences and the gradual flow of the story, it seems like the name is the one part you didn't put much effort into - very straightforward and cliché. I know you can do better than that!

"Daydreams are all I have but reality is so cruel" - doesn't sound quite right in that context... I think "but" should be replaced with "since". Better yet, something like "Daydreams are my only escape from the cruel reality" would fit in there better.

"these beautifully unfortunate things" - those are good things that fill MC with bliss, why would they be unfortunate (sad/tragic)? Perhaps "impossible" is the word.

"I suppose it's easier to forget the most significant" - I'm not sure exactly why, but that sentence doesn't sound quite right... Might need some rework or replacement.

Now, I really like how the story transitions gradually from one mood to another, starting from the 3rd paragraph which gives the feeling of joy and fuzzies, and going down, down, more depressing every minute, eventually ending with all dreams broken and no hope left to hang on to. As a final touch, I think right after that you should make a little call-back to those dreams from the 3rd paragraph, to really strike at the feels.

That's that for now. Keep improving, you're doing great :)

Brown haired blue eyed

16 days ago LeChevalierRoland said:

Wow, that was sad. I definitely think that the last paragraph was the best one. This piece is so contemplative and flows well. Things to work on: The comma after “fall” in the second sentence felt unnecessary and broke up the flow of the sentence. The last sentence of the first paragraph didn’t read well to me. I thought it was phrased oddly. In general, I would suggest checking how you place your commas. Also, I think that you should elaborate on the mother’s relations with “the Nanny” and the situation with the Father. It passed by far too quickly. Overall, that was really emotional. I thought you did well in representing the narrator’s thought process. I also thought it was interesting that the mother had an affair rather than the father. That seemed a bit different. Good job!