Little Black Book

Little Black Book

1 chapter / 530 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

A collection of short stories and other things

*~*The story in this collection changes from time to time to get different feedback. There will be a notice in the comments/review section when that happens. Thanks*~*

Genres:

Writing, Short Story

Comments(28)

0127092232

4 days ago Rave said:

I've noticed that this was updated, so I'll give an updated version of my comment that I totally forgot that was here. xD

Anyway, I like how you started this by having the character think that another character might think that it was a dream she had.

The next part seems to be pretty relatable, because who wouldn't want a world filled with kind people and no judgements? ;)

The end kind of makes me wonder what had happened the last time a dreamer was there.

Pokemon

7 days ago A.D. Emile {Kyron} said:

This is unique! I just loved the description! I can feel the girl..she is totally me!

I was a bit confused with the POV at first but everything seemed to be okay as I kept moving forward.

As I said earlier, the story is really unique specially for it's unusual first person.

The plot is a bit mysterious. However it's artistic at the same time.

Great job. Keep it up :)

Download (1)

8 days ago Aayet Mushtaq said:

Wow. I am completely enchanted. Honestly, it was so so beautiful. I so loved the first paragraph!

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9 days ago Natalia said:

This is a beautifully executed short story! I was able to immerse myself by just a few words. This is amazing, you really know how to put your skills to good use. I didn't notice any errors. Well done =)

Reviews(37)

Sykdom_500

1 day ago Opium said:

[Surprise review outta nowhere]

"My Dreamer"

Like the last time, expect this to be very biased. And like the last time, I won't make any grammar corrections (pretty sure you've gotten plenty of those in other reviews), but I just have to say - you need to work on that. I get it, at this point the grammar is not that important to you, and you're more interested in seeing what people think of your ideas, but once you get to writing something big and serious, grammar will play a big role. It will determine weather people will actually take you seriously. I'm no writer or critic - far from it, but I've read plenty of books (including some self-published), as well as book reviews, so I'm just providing my observations: grammar has a really big impact on the readers' experience. A lot of people will just drop a book and not even consider it worth giving a chance after seeing wonky grammar (tbh, I'm guilty of that myself sometimes)

Anyway, now that that's out of the way... The story.

It feels very Neil Gaiman-y (love it). For all I know, it could be a Sandman fanfiction (Morpheus had another son?...) Amazing little scene. This time, there's nothing here for me to be a smart-ass about. When it comes to spirits/gods/other realms, it's pointless to look for logic and common sense. The rules and laws of our world don't apply there, the writer is free to make up their own rules. If something is confusing, it's just incomprehensible to us humans; if it's unexplained, it's a mystery. You can interpret it your own way, and not worry weather it's correct. I dig that. I can just relax and enjoy this great unknown, without being bothered by trivialities.

I like the way you described the girl's feelings, and this world that is her refuge. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy ^_^

Very interesting POV. A child of a god/spirit (or rather, as I'm still inclined to believe, Sandman himself), who rejoices at seeing the happiness and purity in a human soul, emotional and careless as any child, still has a lot to learn from the wise father. Very original and refreshing, makes it a much more interesting read.

Well, that's about it. I may have interpreted some things differently from what you intended, but hey, as I said - that's the beauty of this kind of fantasy.

PS: It's rare to see someone with a great and vivid imagination like yours. Write more pls :)

Bw icon

5 days ago Noceurx said:

MINI REVIEW

Suggestions are merely suggestions so don't feel obliged to listen :) Any corrections made will be shown in brackets.

CHARACTERS

No names, no descriptions, but that was a perfect way to go. By sacrificing trivial details, you are able to put all of your energy into highlighting their personalities, a major part of the story you're trying to tell. Using indirect characterization was another great choice, allowing you to maintain a lyrical voice while keeping our interest and providing important details.

PLOT

Rather than a plot, this is more of a scenario, but I like that. I'm a sucker for snapshots! It has the potential to be a part of something larger and at the same time, remains fulfilling all on its own. It is a very interesting concept and you explore it very well ^-^

-Consider tying up loose threads to tell a more complete story (ex. establishing character roles, a problem, etc.) Even short stories need to go around full circle :)

STYLE

The tone of this story is probably my favorite part. The way you describe this pure, clean world is beautiful, poetic even. The scenario is piece together nicely as well, with a good mix of dialogue to shape details and plot. I especially like how you managed to keep a consistent tense throughout the piece.

-I notice a lot of your sentences, while smooth, are technically fragments. In most cases, they work for your story, but not always.

CORRECTIONS

-"A world where bright colors [soared]..."

-"...like she believed when she [was] a child..."

-"[She cocks] her head and I think..."

-"...does it fear for [its] life..."

-"We're not allowed to [do] that anyways..."

OVERALL: This was an absolutely breathtaking piece. I loved reading it! It took me to a completely different place and I couldn't help but be captivated by the world you've built, even if it was only a glimpse. If ever expanded upon, I believe it would be an amazing read ^0^ Great work!