1 chapter / 88 words

Approximately half a minute to read


******COVER BY CAITLIN COX********
A love poem, about the unconditional way I feel about my little sister. She taught me what it really means to love.


Writing, Poetry, Romance



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8 months ago M. Lizeth said:

So sorry about this late swap. I apologize I took so long to get here, but thank you for your comment on "Gray"!

I really liked this poem, it reminded me of one I wrote myself a while ago. It's short and bittersweet and I especially liked how you started with 5 lines and ended with 3, that was very creative.

The line "Until I first saw you" seemed out of place and a little forced. It was more like an afterthought after the period, and I would suggest dropping it entirely or maybe changing it into something that matches the flow a little more. It's not a bad line, but your poem have a greater effect without it.

"'Cuz there's nothing warmer than a little sister's hand" seemed too long compared to the rest, but it may also be word choice. I'd recommend trying something like, "For there's nothing warmer than a sister's hand".

Overall though, I really did like this poem. You did a great job, and I love how you made it about your little sister. Having a little sister myself, this really touched my heart wholly. Please keep writing, you're doing great!

- M.