Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately half a minute to read
******COVER BY CAITLIN COX********
A love poem, about the unconditional way I feel about my little sister. She taught me what it really means to love.
29 days ago Jinghay said:
about 1 month ago Hannah Grace said:
Wow, this is such a heartfelt poem! I don't have a ton of critique as this is your only poem and I'm not familiar with your style, but I hope you write more soon! I would have liked if this was longer maybe, but that's just me :) Awesome job!
2 months ago Dustin said:
Short and elegant! I enjoyed reading this, and hope you keep writing in the future!
2 months ago Roanoke Wilde said:
Ermargersh...this was BEAUTIFUL!!! *cries* Seriously. I love the rhymes and the power/emotion behind every word. I can tell you are a VERY talented poet and I can really see the depth of how much you care for your little sister. That was honestly amazing. Keep writing, Izzy, and have a great day/night! :)
24 days ago M. Lizeth said:
So sorry about this late swap. I apologize I took so long to get here, but thank you for your comment on "Gray"!
I really liked this poem, it reminded me of one I wrote myself a while ago. It's short and bittersweet and I especially liked how you started with 5 lines and ended with 3, that was very creative.
The line "Until I first saw you" seemed out of place and a little forced. It was more like an afterthought after the period, and I would suggest dropping it entirely or maybe changing it into something that matches the flow a little more. It's not a bad line, but your poem have a greater effect without it.
"'Cuz there's nothing warmer than a little sister's hand" seemed too long compared to the rest, but it may also be word choice. I'd recommend trying something like, "For there's nothing warmer than a sister's hand".
Overall though, I really did like this poem. You did a great job, and I love how you made it about your little sister. Having a little sister myself, this really touched my heart wholly. Please keep writing, you're doing great!
27 days ago hereiam said:
Lovely! I don't know how long you've been writing poems, but this feels raw, it evokes a whole, and pure emotion. I think with practice, things will flow better. While I think it's good, I think words such as 'Okay' throws me off a little, but maybe that's just me. Overall, very well done.