The Return of Magic

The Return of Magic

23 chapters / 26742 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read


Previously titled Wyvern
Rough draft of a high fantasy novel
Tanis lives in the forest of Darkmore with her family. During the autumn of her fifteenth year, a strange beast out of the ancient legends begins to attack travelers near her village. A shadow is cast across the land as creatures thought to be gone forever begin to once more come out of the Western Wastes and into Alibian once more.
Cover by Mercury Winters



about 1 month ago Lyria said:

Why must you write so well?


about 1 month ago Lyria said:

Reread it and i still love it


about 1 month ago Abigail Settle said:

Did you change the cover?


2 months ago Lyria said:

One wrote to describe this: AWESOME!



14 days ago Ada Townsend said:

Over all, this is some seriously amazing writing! You've got a real talent for vivid imagery; I especially loved the beautiful description of their first flight. I like Aaron's character (he reminds me of my little brother, LOL) and his relationship with Tanis. The whole story was so suspenseful that I read it all in one 'sitting without once getting bored (Except when I was waiting for chapters to load, but what can you do?). There were several incredible plot twists that I never saw coming, which is very rare in books these days. I also love the development of Tanis and Asteri's relationship as they are forced to work together. It's kind of an I-hate-you-but-apparently-I-need-you situation. However, I believe in, honest, helpful reviews, so here is a little constructive criticism: 1. Some sentences in the first few chapters are too long, borderline run-ons. They can get a little confusing. 2. Descriptions of characters should be added gradually rather than tossed on all at once. For example, instead of giving a brief physical description of Tanis's parents when we first meet them, you could add in little details about them as they eat and talk. That way, readers will remember more details and create a better mental picture. 3. There are several minor typos, mostly in More Attacks. I have found that making the font a little smaller or harder to read helps you notice more mistakes when proofreading. 4. Pacing is sometimes a little inconsistent. For instance, you really draw out the last ten chapters, but whiz through the first ten. 5. You might want to consider further indirect characterization of Tanis. Maybe you could use more flashbacks to tell about her life before she found out about Asteri? It would give her a little more personality, a few more dimensions. Minor critiques aside, this novel is a true masterpiece. You have a vivid imagination, and you make me feel like I am in Tanis's world. Keep up the fantastic work!

Photo on 7-5-16 at 9.45 pm

about 1 month ago Jaxon Storm said:

You are an amazing writer, and I have to say, your story is really compelling! I'm definitely reading more than the first three chapters that I'm reviewing, but to be honest there wasn't much I would change. All the same, I'll try to find things that could improve it.

The prologue got me into the story really quickly, and immediately drew me in. I would add a little more of a thorough description of the two men in this chapter, just to paint a clearer picture in my mind. Also, while the first sentence, "Darkness surrounds." is a complete sentence, it comes across to me as a little awkward or indecisive.

The first chapter was no disappointment after the prologue. It was beautifully written with great description, and the cliffhanger at the end drew me into the second chapter. There are a couple times in this chapter, though, (and the next) where it is hard to tell someone's gender, but that doesn't necessarily need to change. Other than that, I think you could start including habits that characters have, to make the characters more distinguishable. Ie: some people smile more on one side than the other, some people are always brushing hair out of their face, or raising one eyebrow more than the other. While you don't really need to add these things, it's an idea.

I got into chapter 2, and once again, I loved it! There was just one place about halfway through where you transition from being sick and worrying about it to rumors of the monster. "...Due to the fact that it went away soon after I stepped outside, but I was starting to get worried. Rumors of the monster filled the village..." It got a little confusing because the topic change was so sudden, and it might be helpful to start a new paragraph between the two sentences, just to make it more clear that the topic is changing.

Like I said, there wasn't much you needed to change, and most of what I could pick up on were just little revision ideas I had. I LOVE your writing, and am definitely reading the rest of this.

Thanks for the review and encouragement, as it was really helpful!