The Death Timer

The Death Timer

1 chapter / 1332 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Description:

Inspired by a soulmate timer I found on Tumblr.

Link to cover image: https://trishamitra.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/tumblr_mfiiu57q4p1rjjvruo1_1280.png

Comments(1)

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7 months ago NF Kris said:

This was filled with so many different emotions. Wow. This was really amazing.

Reviews(3)

2

about 1 month ago Kelsea Dove said:

First let me start off by saying wow, that story was amazing. it was written incredibly well and the plot was great. I would like to know if the main character is a guy or a girl, just out of curiosity, but that doesn't change the story at all. I also want to say that although the entire story was great, the ending really stood out. Overall, this is an amazing piece of work.

Imag0168

7 months ago Tiny Viking said:

Okay so just to let you know that I comment as I read.

Oh it sounds very interesting about the implants. Very cool idea.

I would though remove the part about “just like every other parent in the world” - it’s just an extreme generalisation. Even when something is very normal it’s never universal (think vaccines: 95% has them but there’s always some who are against).

I kind of have the same issue with “Everyone expected the number to read about 90 years” since age is very individual. I get it’s a shock that she only has that little time to live, but she can’t be the only one. Some kids are born with illnesses that makes it unlikely to reach old age. Maybe change “everyone” to “my parents”.

And “left to live” would mean that she’s just been born. Either delete this part, or tell how long she has left to live from her present day age.

Death lobe sounds cool. But “subconsciously knows” means that it’s purely psychological. Maybe replace it with “indicates” or something similar instead.

Why do her parents only have 18 years together with her? Shouldn’t it be 26? I know that she moves form home when she’s 18 but that doesn’t mean her parents loose time with her. I still have a lot of contact with my parents even though I haven’t lived at home for years.

They sound like awesome parents by the way. I would love to do those things (the only thing I’ve tried is diving with stingrays and that was such an experience). Though I guess I understand how that can become too much in the length when your just trying to grow up.

“I get up groggy…” I would make some kind of break before this, maybe a line ----- or something else to indicate a shift in the structure of the story.

Wouldn’t she and her parents have planned something for her last day alive? At least been there together with her? They would if anyone know the day.

“But time is going by so quickly today” love that line. Very expressive.

Don’t answer emails on your last day! Don’t go to work! Sorry, just airing my thoughts.

“settle myself *into* the chair”

“when my parents *made* coffee”

Afterlife should be in small letters.

It’s your last day. TREAT YOURSELF!

“collapse *into* the seat”

“sit like *that*”

She shouldn’t be driving if she’s about to die.

Oh twist ending!

Well, overall I think it’s a really nice, short, and well concluded story. But I think out could use some more work. There’s quite a few things that just don’t logically make sense, that I’ve mentioned. But I’m sure those can be figured out without ruining the ending and overall moral of the story. I think the concept is very original and super interesting. I have seen stories about death clocks but nothing quite like this. By the way I'm really happy that this is a concluded, self-contained story. They're rare but awesome ^^