Hempen Jig

Hempen Jig

4 chapters / 3234 words

Approximately 16 minutes to read

Description:

To dance the hempen jig, Mariska was once told by Draper, is to be hung for your crimes.

Mariska's crime was consorting with humans. She knew that she could escape the Courts and the Chorus of the ocean. But now her punishment is far worse than hanging: her punishment is seeing humans for what they truly are.

Genres:

Fantasy, Short Story

Comments(4)

Aliceb5 (1)

5 months ago Coral Vaci said:

I love this! You write amazingly! I would LOVE to read more!

Anybody (ii)

7 months ago Anybody said:

I just love your writing style so much. The language and descriptions you use change for each story, like in this story, all your metaphors and similes had to do with the ocean and the beach and stuff and it just paints the setting so much better. It almost gives kind of a backstory almost, like we're seeing things through her eyes, cause she's so accustomed to the ocean. And then when she returned to the sea, you made it no longer feel like home and they way you said that was just SO beautiful. Well done and keep up the good work! :)

Trin_aster_pro

7 months ago Trin Aster said:

Ohhh, I love this so much, it's really well written but also has those creepy vibes mixed in. sooooo good, I hope you expand, but that's up to you.

Trin_aster_pro

7 months ago Trin Aster said:

Wow that was awesome, are you planning on writing a novella? Id definately read it,

Reviews(1)

Download (1)

7 months ago Jo said:

Just to let you know, the beginning has a line saying something muddled the faces of the humans, you wrote "But there was certainly something muddled the faces of..." etc. but I think you meant muddling.

Mariska is a really interesting character to read about and I love that you made your story about a mermaid put on display. I've only read stories where the mermaids evade becoming exhibits and I found the plot interesting. I like that she actually makes these people get hung for their crimes.

I did know you were going to be doing anger, so maybe that helped in how it was so clear what this was, but I don't think the emotion you portrayed in the story could be confused with any of the others except perhaps disgust. Mariska seems furious, but also repulsed by humanity and that makes me think this could work for either anger or disgust. However, I'm not really sure what else you could do that would make the emotion clearer without stating what yours is.

I think all that really needs to be done with this is perhaps finding a way to make sure you're portraying anger over disgust a little more, because I'm not sure which emotion I would have thought of if I hadn't already known.