Contempt in the Kingdom

Contempt in the Kingdom

18 chapters / 19205 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

A series of snapshot-style instances in the life of a princess, her childhood, and the dark prophecy she is plagued by whether she believes in it or not.

Note* I'm not sure this will ever be a full blown 'story'. I have honestly not done enough world building to write one. All of this came straight from my imagination,and when I finally decided to write it all down I realized creating characters and a completely new planet is easier when it's all in your head lol.

Comments(7)

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4 days ago Sky Lark said:

This was really good! I couldn't stop reading it. There was a few minor misspellings but that okay. If you want to read anyone of my stories, that's okay.

Thsim9rgg1

6 days ago A. G. Austin said:

Woah this is absolutely awesome! The writing is mysterious and enticing. There are some minor spelling and grammar mistakes but thise can be easily fixed by reading this aloud. I enjoyed this book immensly! Please notify me when you add another chapter! -A.G. Austin

Anime

11 days ago L.Greene said:

Wow this is really good. I love how you added in the part at the end of chapters.

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3 months ago Nicolette Christiansen said:

You did a wonderful job! The characters seem to be forming well and at a good speed and the dialogue felt really natural which is difficult to do. Great job and keep writing!

Reviews(13)

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about 1 hour ago Ada Townsend said:

In short, I'd say that this book is beautifully tragic. The writing style is lovely—sometimes flowery like the child protagonist and sometimes sad and dark like the haunted young woman she has become. However, the story is obviously a tragedy, which makes the writing style all the more beautiful. I immensely enjoyed reading this book; it was probably the only thing that kept me going during the week-long convention I was attending. Here is a little constructive criticism for you:

1. You have some minor grammatical/spelling errors. For example, you use "plant" instead of "planet", and "tail" instead of "tale". You also added apostrophes at the ends of some plural words, such as gryphons'. Plurals don't need apostrophes; only possessives and contractions do. There are also several major typos in the chapter called "Arrival". One way to find most or all of these errors is to set your font to something a little smaller/more difficult to read while proofreading. This will help your brain to think more analytically and locate mistakes. 2. I like the last few sentences of each chapter, but they foreshadow a little too much of what is to come, especially towards the end. What particularly annoyed me was that I found out that Claire had fun at the ball before the ball even happened. That sort of killed the suspense. The ends of the early chapters struck the perfect balance between spoiling the ending and being too vague, so great work there! 3. There are quite a few continuity/logic puzzles as well. Specifically, I can't make sense of the fact that Claire went to school but doesn't know what a mother is. Didn't they ever read "Are You My Mother?" in kindergarten?! :) Also, if Neesa doesn't want her to get too attached to Earth or its people, why doesn't she just homeschool Claire and teach her Athenean ways? 4. The chapter titles are rather literal; it may help to write the chapters first, then come up with good titles afterward. It's okay to leave them untitled as well, if you can't think of a fitting name. 5. There is a little redundancy in the part when Claire tells Lyra that she wants to see everything. Specifically, you say that she wants to see everything, then Claire says the exact same thing to her mother less than five sentences later. Plus, when she is with her mother in the stable, you use the phrase "both mutually". You can cut out "both"; it is implied in the word "mutually". Finally, you say "equally as much" a little later, which could simply be replaced with "equally". 6. Some of your paragraphs are a bit lengthy, especially the one describing the gryphon. I am guilty of this as well; it's a fairly common problem. Maybe you could try separating it into sections based on the gryphon's various features/body parts.

Overall, I think that this book is exceptionally profound, especially during the early passages relating to motherhood. You have a real gift for imagery as well, which was evident in the last chapter—I literally felt Claire's terror. Another time when I really appreciated your talent for imagery was when Clair first met the gryphon.

Keep up the amazing writing! I can't wait to find out where this goes.

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4 days ago Tanuma Kuroyike said:

This is a very well written sci-fi fantasy story, filled with drama and intriguing plot devices. The characters felt real, and given great emotional development to be likeable. The main character is also relatable as a narrator, and it is interesting to explores worlds from her perspective, and slowly unravel the twists and turns that follow.

There aren't much detailed description of surroundings and people whom the main character interacts with. The story is mainly dialogue-centric, and that is fine for a children's story, it reads like a fairy tale.

Also, the little notes at the bottom of the page hinting at future events, I would prefer them to be more subtle, or simply not hold any idea of future plot developments. That way when the twists are revealed, it would certainly be unexpected and more dramatic hence.

Overall I really enjoyed your story. Nice job!