A Wielder's Trials

A Wielder's Trials

41 chapters / 102589 words

Approximately about 9 hours to read

Description:

**Special thanks to Daniel Jimenez for the cover***

Califica Wansani had died with her family. Died with them in the midst of a rebellion targeting magical possessors. Targeting people like her.

The parts of her that she loved - being a daughter, a sister - were no more. Now, the only identity that matter was what she was rather than who she was. But it didn't just matter to her.

With a rebellion rising in the countryside, targeting and killing possessors, Califica is forced to hide in the capital of Acroma.

During her time in the capital, she was discovered by the King and sent to train to become his next prize and weapon. But while she trains and learns more about her powers, Califica is forced to face her demons. And through it all Califica has to decide if she's willing to lose herself for the one identity that wants it all.

Book 1 of series

Genres:

Action, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(11)

Gethurtprofpic1

8 days ago TheHalf-Light said:

Just wanted to let you know I'm still reading and loving the book. In some of your later Chapters (~12,13,14, etc) your proof-reading has fallen short. I think a quick read-through on your part would really help you catch most of those. They're little things. Not terrible, but they distract. As far as the story goes, I'm really enjoying it. Things move quick with little in between down time, but the plot is quite interesting. I think you'd benefit, though, from transitioning with words here and there rather than resorting to the #. I know you've got a lot of content and you want to focus on that, but you can't just skip around and show us only the vital bits. Sometimes you have to show time passing normally, even if it's just a paragraph stating something like: "Every was the same. Wake up, eat breakfast, and train." A quick thing like that would give us the sense that you're not just here for the juicy parts.

Otherwise, I'm trying to read as much of this as I can before Fig closes shop. Really enjoying it, and excited to see where it goes.

-K

Gethurtprofpic1

16 days ago TheHalf-Light said:

Okay, so I'm starting in from the start, and it is so fantastic. I'm reading with eyes wide open, eating up every word. (And some easy mac.) Chapter One is already starting to fill in some of the blanks I had from starting at Four, and I can't read it fast enough.

-K

Kelsey chow

20 days ago Nocturne said:

Ch. 4-5: I'm guessing the Prince is either romantically interested in Califica or just genuinely interested in her rare wielder powers. Or maybe their future relationship would benefit him in some way? Idk, I'll have to wait until we get to know more about him and his motives, but in the meantime I can see some potential in Califica dazzling him as she puts him in his place.

I really like Tersalyn so far, in fact probably my favorite character. He's very understanding, even open about whether Califica decides to leave or not. He cares more about possessors WANTING to be trained. And I LOVED the significance of him repeatedly offering a hand to Califica.

The scene with the twins though...it was creepy at first and then later frightening and sad. Just shows that Califica, though tough, independent, and stubborn (everything I love about her) is still suffering from a past much darker than I expected...

Images (4)

21 days ago Reiga said:

OOOOO Nice new cover! Did u make it?

Reviews(53)

Screen shot 2017-06-27 at 10.22.22 pm

11 days ago Ava Snow said:

Sorry it took me so long to do my end of the swap! But here I am...better late than never.

First of all, I love your cover. It is really pretty and nicely done.

Grammar --> For your grammar errors, the only thing I noticed was commas.

Prologue In the cold(,) she was a lump of dead flesh unable to even spark a flame. If only the cold

Chapter One His nose was angled(Remove

All of her hairs stood up on one end (remove comma) as if a chill swept through her bones.

“C’mon, just do it,” Titus encouraged. He moved Califica’s arm closer to his friend (remove comma) as if she was an offering.

Of course(,)he was drunk.

With a napkin, she pushed him down. Within an instant(,) someone took his seat.

I love original and unique names. I loved yours. You write really nice and it flows well. You are very descriptive which makes it easy to teleport into you word. Overall, very nice piece. I'm just sad that figment is closing, so I won't be able to keep reading your story :( ****tear****

Gethurtprofpic1

16 days ago TheHalf-Light said:

More Chapter Five!

Sorry WHAT. Where were they going where they’re now in “eternal darkness”?? That sounds pretty grim.

Now here is some good casual dialogue!

“Immediately, he slipped the knife back by his side” is a little bit of a strange sentence. “Immediately” give us a sense of urgency, but the action otherwise seems calm. I think a better adverb could start this off. If what you’re trying to convey is that he then puts the knife away and removes the threat, then perhaps a simple “Then” could start it off better. Actually, if you did that, then I would suggest combining it with the previous sentence.

Love the comparing Ters’s actions with painting.

Again, liking Cal’s dialogue here.

Do lips “quirk” let alone “quirk up”? I would lean towards a no.

Really also digging the non-dialogue stuff here. Good flow, I feel like I have a firm grasp on what’s happening here.

Not sure if you meant for Cal to be mirroring Ters here, but fyi they’re both doing hands on hips. It totally works, people tuned into one another tend to take the same stance, just wanted to make sure you’re aware.

“Looking over his shoulder, T revealed a smile flashed across face.” I want you to see how weird this sentence is. First off, since when is he not facing her? Then the second bit is all sorts of wonky. Pick one verb for this smile (revealed or flashed or something else) and stick with it.

Oooh, this is some interesting news about the twins here. As far as I’m aware, that’s some v fancy talent.

Gauge, not gage.

This is some cool magical testing. I dig.

Stifled by time? I don’t think I understand how that works. Do you mean disuse?

Lose the comma in “Cal nodded, as if she understood.”

Switch to “[her] shaky breath betrayed…” Using “the” separates it from her character in a strange manner.

I’d also ditch the comma in “…she would need to confront it, again.”

Woahholyjesus what is going onnn? I love the description of these voices coming at her. I don’t know if this is something she’s faced before, but it’s creepy and magical and spooky and I love it. This section is so well written.

Lowercase s in “’Stop it!’ [s]he screamed.”

TERS IS GONE??? I was so hoping to see his reaction to her flipping out, but this development is great.

Again in quick succession you have shaky breaths betraying Cal. Shake it up.

I’d put in a comma for “A small snicker[,] and Cal could…” Reeaaallly? Gotta sarcastically ask if this really is when her breathing becomes heavy. She’s been all over the place on breathing. Just didn’t believe that bit right there.

Good point to mention my theories on these voices. So are they like some sort of dead magical things haunting her? Is this what wielding sounds like? Ghosts? Some sort of mental disorder where she converses with different parts of her personality but separated out? Very intrigued. If I had to give form to these voices, it would be creepy vultures or shrived old witches.

Are you sure you meant to pair “desired and distanced”? They conflict a bit. Maybe you mean that, but it feels like an accident in the context given.

Woah. Who is the person she’s seeing here? If we’re somehow supposed to guess, I have no clue. If you want us to def get who it is, I’d add some italics of her being like “So-and-so?” before falling backwards. If it’s supposed to be like random, then don’t bother. Supes creepy though.

Also, by caught the tinge that formed them, do you mean she kissed the figure? That’s not the first thought I had, but after reading the sentence again, I’m not sure. Maybe add a clarifying word or two.

Holy jesus. So this is her power that’s so psycho. No wonder why she’s not a huge fan of this. Surprised it’s so crazy and freaky, but sorta love it anyway. This def puts the trial in “A Wielder’s Trials.”

Stopping to wonder if this is a completely internal event, or if this is real, real creatures and events. Since it’s fantasy, probs yeah it’s really happening and not just a dramatization of her internal though process.

“Cal stiffened at their voices in unison” is odd since we know they’re talking in unison so it would lead us to think she’s stiffening in unison which is nuts.

Add “She” to the start of “Thought of their screams…”

Again, for clarification, I’d add “Standing” to “Before Cal weren’t…”

Holy jesus. I have quite a few not-appropriate exclamations for my reaction to this. Her siblings are ON FIRE/BURNT in front of her. Damn, her power place is dark and messed up. Is it like this for everyone? If so why do these people even practice their powers. This is so freaky.

This explains a lot of her origin story. Her power getting out of control. Fire. Siblings. Yeaaaah.

Holy damn. Good that you ended the torture here. It was starting to get a little long, but ends well. Pretty relatable too. So glad you’re cutting back to Ters being there before the chapter ends. This whole time I’ve been itching to know what he’s seeing/hearing of this experience.

Hm. So when you say “In the darkness of her mind, she felt unstable,” that makes me wonder if this did occur purely in her head. Now that I think about the fact that Ters just disappeared and all this ghosty stuff happened, it is more likely than Ters like disappearing and Cal going into some other layer of reality or something. Hm. Okay.

Screamed? I don’t think Ters is much of a name screamer. I’d think he’d be calling her name, sure, but not like screaming it. She’s right there, and I don’t think his panic level is at that point for him to get shrill.

Again, a LOT of eye mentioning. I’m getting a little bit of a romance vibe between the two of them with all of this eye-focusing. Just mentioning it. Not sure if you intended on that or not. Can’t remember if there’s like a weird age difference there or what.

Might be a bit premature for Ters to sit back if she’s then unable to sit herself up. Seems like he’s being a little useless when she cries out in pain, unable to get up.

I don’t think I noticed before, but is pinky twitching a thing for her? Just mentioning since you write “continued.”

Hm. Voice burning. I don’t think it’s something that can be really done from the outside since vocal chords are inner, but meh.

Your dialogue has been top-notch, but Ters’s recounting of events falls flat. Also it’s a little strange. Magic running through other magic? I like the having to travel to get away, but the bit leading up to it could use a little revision. I feel like it could be more concise and telling of the danger level if Ters put it as “…travel out of the cavern before it [killed me].” Wouldn’t that have a more dramatic/to the point effect to it? Cuz like, what would that mean for magic to engulf someone? You swim around in it? You pass out? No clue.

Do we think those scars will last? If so, what a mark she’s made on him (excuse the pun lol).

“Look.” Isn’t much of a sentence by itself so I’d cut some of the descriptive stuff out of the middle and join it with “It isn’t the worst…” The middle stuff is good, but it confuses the dialogue with the way it’s put in there.

Oh, I guess the healer person will erase them. Boo.

Woah. Gorgeous description of her power. Is everyone’s power so dramatic and crazy and dangerous??

Oh, so this /isn’t/ normal. Gotcha. Cool.

Just a nit-pick, what makes her now available to sit up? Has a weight lifted, the pain passed?

Nix the comma in “I can’t do that, again.” It breaks the flow, unnecessary.

So CAN she use her power without going to that spooky place? Take out the comma again in “She would not cross that line, again.” Breaks flow.

Replace “is” with “becomes” in “…before any damage is irreparable”?

Okay, so this chapter is amazing. I love the interaction she has with her power and the evolving relationship with Ters (not nec. a romantic one, but you know what I mean). Great stuff. The first two thirds of this section is amazing, really fabulous. The other last bit is still good, but there’s some more little bits of punctuation and word choice that could use work.

As always, I love this story. This is amazing work

-K