Oblivion

Oblivion

1 chapter / 1360 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Description:

Five years ago, Military Technologies implanted an alien AI into Agent Setta's head.
Then the aliens attacked.
Five years later, Setta wants to prevent a similar catastrophe.

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Reviews(2)

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4 months ago Ellie Williams said:

I instantly knew which story this is a spin-off of. That’s how memorable that other story is for me, and I was so excited to get more of it. The interaction between the two characters is amusing and fun, yet honest and somber. The conflict and end confrontation you chose is an interesting subject manner, one that could be interpreted in many ways. It’s thought-provoking, and I enjoy any story that can make me think. Kudos on that.

I will agree with the previous reviewer in that Pi seems to have more sass and charisma than Setta. This can be interpreted to mean more personality. Setta seems to be more focused and serious, which I completely understand since she has no one to rely on but herself. Doesn’t mean she has less personality, necessarily. I’m thinking it’s a characterization choice on your part to have the two personalities be somewhat different in order to better contrast them, and you do a good job of that. My only concern is that because Pi has such a HUGE personality that Setta kind of gets washed out and is forgettable. So, in the bigger scheme of things, that may be something you’d want to watch for. Setta does have a few sparks here and there, but it is nothing compared to the zingers Pi is capable of. Each character’s personality remains consistent throughout the piece, though, so that is good.

As I said, the interactions between the two are so amusing. I love reading the banter between them. The affection they have for one another is apparent and endearing. Even though Pi is a robot with a heightened sense of awareness, you still make us care about her--and this is even before her lecture to Setta about her clone. It freaks me out to think that we may ever have AI to that degree, and it’s not completely out of the realm of probability.

This is going to be a short review because I’m not really sure what else there is to improve on. The criteria of the prompt has been met, it is easy to follow without any major hiccups, and I think it flows pretty smoothly. It’s enjoyable and thought-provoking. Maybe tweak Setta so that she is on par with Pi in the personality department. Make her more surly, maybe, to deepen the contrast? Vary her phrasing and enhance her irritation over Pi’s impromptu karaoke session by using more intense words. Or if you have another idea on how to show agitation, be my guest. That was my only real issue with the story, though.

Let me know if I can help you with anything else tonight. And even though I didn’t have too much to say, I hope it did help some. =]

Good luck!

--Ellie

Anybody (ii)

4 months ago Anybody said:

First of off, good job with this story. I really thought you did a great job at creating an engaging story with just the use of dialog alone, which is very hard to do (So congrats on that). I really liked the idea of it as well. Although in the beginning, it wasn't very clear as to who was who. I felt like the AI had more personality than the human, which I found to be quite ironic (idk if you intended it to be that way or not) and that was mainly why I had trouble at first in determining which was the AI. Something that might easily fix that issue though is you could have the AI make some sarcastic comment about being dragged along against its will or wishing it had a body of its own or something, idk. But my confusion was eventually cleared, so it's nothing major, but it would be nice to make that distinction a little earlier on in the story. I feel like if you wanted to, this dialog could be turned into a full length novel. And tbh, if it was, I'd be interested in reading it. So great job on this story! I liked it a lot. :) (PS: The AI was my favorite character. xD)