The Players and Heartbreakers

The Players and Heartbreakers

8 chapters / 8563 words

Approximately 43 minutes to read

Description:

(W.I.P)
“Do you trust me?” I give him a nod.
“Good, ‘cause I trust you,” he says quietly. He grabs my hand and guides me. I let my lips loosen into a smile because they know they messed with the wrong people.
“Let’s go, babe.”
••••••
Jack Hudson is known as the bad boy and player of Lone Oak High School. He can get anyone he wants, except for the new girl-Opal Dudley. Opal's determined to leave behind her old goody-two shoes personality and become the biggest heartbreaker in the high school, even if it means playing the player. But they both have their own secrets they don't want to share. This is one hell of a ride and things are about to get nasty.

Warning- Very cliche, contains foul language, sexual activities and references, and suicidal and dark thoughts.

Genres:

Writing, Novel

Comments(2)

Heifer

about 1 month ago Erin Rae said:

Hi, I am here to complete my side of the swap. Sorry it took so long.

The very first sentence. Is the MC speaking or is that the boy speaking. If the latter, you would need to press the Enter key and create a new line before "I give him a nod," because it is a new/different character speaking or performing an action. I noticed this a lot in your story. You need to create a new line whenever you switch which characters are speaking. I also noticed some grammar mistakes. Just read through your story to find them. You seem to switch back and forth from past and present tense. For example, when your character is getting ready, you say "I pull out the straightener and I straighten my hair. I took forever..." If you are writing in present tense you would need to write the second part as "it takes forever." I do this too, don't worry. Try to remember to ALWAYS double check your stories to catch things like this.

Good job all in all, remember to proof read.

Keep writing, Erin

Fullsizerender

8 months ago Julia Satu said:

I like the premise. Two protagonists who are both trying not to be themselves.

Reviews(1)

2017-08-06

3 months ago BeautifulCreature said:

I....what....I can't. That's...No words. I can't believe I haven't read this yet! Ah! It was the best, THE BEST!! I need to calm down...stop being so intense, Beauti. Just stop. Right, back on track.~ I only found one thing, and it's the smallest thing in grammar.... -u- It was a comma. "No(,)not again." That's it. You did awesome!! Keep it up~ Beauti