Jewl

Jewl

9 chapters / 13080 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

WIP (work in progress, wolf in project). Sixteen year old Sarah lives in a world where Mages and magic have gone extinct centuries ago. In a small village called Karn, Sarah grows up loyal to her Mamma and never ventured out further than the downtown marketplace. But one day a strange wolf by the name Zalvidair brings word from her father she had thought to be dead. Her Mage father needs her help and her powers which she didn't even know she had. With Zalvidair as her guide, Sarah learns about the dying practice of magic, the coming darkness, and her part to play to protect the Power of Jewl. Legal cover made by Naomi Folettia.

Genres:

Writing, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(1)

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5 months ago Eowyn Doyle said:

I really like the first two chapters! Keep writing!

Reviews(2)

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4 months ago Caitlyn M. said:

Chapter 1 So starting off with the death of Sarah's mother, I feel like you should add a bit of sadness, because losing a parent should be hard for a character, and even though you add a little emotion when Sarah thought how her strong mother could be so weak and frail.

I feel like the scene of meeting the wolf is a little rushed.

Otherwise this was a really good chapter. I liked how she dreamed of becoming a pirate, and going on adventures. It shows that she evolved as a character since she was little, since her mother wouldn't let her go out in the world.

Mi

5 months ago Artemis J. Potter said:

(I take notes as I read, so I apologize if my review seems sporadic!)

Chapter 1 & 2:

I feel like I need more information on the setting and the characters in the story. For example, what are mages? Girlings? I had a hard time picturing them since you said they weren't wolves but they seemed to be some sort of other creatures.

Zalvidair is an awesome name :)

“But if she needed coaxing, than so be it!”—“But if she needed coaxing, then so be it!”

Very well-developed world and well-established characters. You do a great job of showing instead of telling their emotions.

Good writing style

When Horas and Zalvidair speak at the end of chapter one, is this a flashback? Because I didn’t see him in the room before. I was confused since the story is written in past tense but of course a flashback would be, too. Usually when someone shows what happened in the past the words are italicized.

I notice you don’t use a lot of dialogue tags when people speak. While you can overdo using tags, I feel like you could use more because I didn’t understand who was speaking a few times. It wasn’t too bad, but I would just suggest using a mix of dialogue tags and not using them to flow a bit better.

This is a very well-developed story. My biggest suggestion would be to explain the world more you created so the reader gets more insight on what's going on. But I can tell you developed this story a lot so that shouldn't be a problem. I hope my review helped!