1 chapter / 1870 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read


Schalane Warren, a lowly slave of the country Moria, is condemned to death when she attends the compulsory Ingenium Trial, and is found to be the owner of horrific elemental abilities. Worse yet, she is known as the Flamecatcher, the only person alive with the power sufficient to take down Sohoronenge, the ruthless tyrant of Moria.

Terrified, she is confronted with one harrowing choice: to flee her beautiful country, or to face a fate unknown to her and the ignorant population.

Sohoronenge is determined to bring her plans of escape to a sudden halt, locking down the borders and inducing raw fright in the populace. Fueled by fear and old grief, he constructs a scheme to ensnare the rogue slave, and to destroy every fragment of her mentality.

In Schalane's hunt to seek out his motives, she learns things she wishes had never been revealed to her.


Adventure, Fantasy, Novel



5 months ago Rose K said:

Wow!! I really enjoyed reading the first chapter and can't wait to read more. Run through and check punctuation, but I think overall your punctuation and grammar were fine. You took on a very interesting perspective as the slave and really put us in the position of being a lower class and how that feels and not being able to do anything about it. I really loved the story and I'm very interested to see where it goes. Good luck. :)


5 months ago Memma said:

I really enjoyed reading this first chapter and am curious to see how you are going to continue it. Your writing is quite good - keep it up :)

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5 months ago Lauren Harrell said:

I don't know why Figment put all of my comments into one paragraph! Sorry if it's confusing! lol


5 months ago Emily Dawn said:

I thought the story was very well written. It had Great punctuation. Nothing I can really point out. I have to say that this isn't very intriguing. In my opinion anyway. I thought it lacked enthusiasm. It wasn't flowing but it had a good plot. The characters are one thing I really liked and it was very descriptive maybe not enough for me. But overall I really enjoyed it. Keep up the great work!



3 months ago Cadet Nightingale said:

For most pieces I have read with establishing people and setting they don't have the balance quite down on the amount of detail. This piece balances on the line greatly. I can't delve into too much because this seems like the beginning of the novel so the pacing of the beginning does foreshadow the style of the novel but doesn't set it in stone.

Since a lot of reviews seem to cover grammar in their reviews I am not to try to be redundant in those details.

The setting and social structure seems interesting while kept to a minimum which I like. I am hoping as you go on though, to add more detail. Right now it's a balance of the character's thoughts and her experiences but for clarity of setting maybe put just a sliver more emphasis on the environment and outside observations? With the setting getting a solid foundation of description it would make the reader understand the inner thoughts of the main character more potent.


4 months ago Brianna Callanan said:

So since this is a supposedly 9-minute chapter I will be reviewing as I go. If I write something it is a suggestion.

How does Schalane feel about being sold and towards her mother? I get the feeling of neutral and apathetic about it.

The descriptions are wonderful.

The line “I’m uncomfortable, but not panicked.” When I read it both in my head and out loud it seems oddly said. Maybe “I’m uncomfortable, but not panicking.”

The sentence where it says “I need to force my nausea back, somewhere it’s not seen as weakness” I would add an “a” after “as”

Erik is going to not be able to have his scrapbook anymore is the feeling I get.

Honestly, some parts of this first chapter reminds me of the Hunger Games. There are different things but it does feel like the Hunger Games I disliked the Hunger Games a lot. Though if I didn’t read the synopsis I would think of it would be heading that way.

I suggest that you put more emotions in for Schalane unless you want her to be someone who is “meh” most of the time. The other characters we don’t know much about yet so I can’t really form an opinion yet other than the female of the train I think is a b***h.

I do say a great job and definitely, continue. Let me know when more is out. I will continue to read since I like what the synopsis says and I do like the idea.