1 chapter / 1870 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read


Schalane Warren, a lowly slave of the country Moria, is condemned to death when she attends the compulsory Ingenium Trial, and is found to be the owner of horrific elemental abilities. Worse yet, she is known as the Flamecatcher, the only person alive with the power sufficient to take down Sohoronenge, the ruthless tyrant of Moria.

Terrified, she is confronted with one harrowing choice: to flee her beautiful country, or to face a fate unknown to her and the ignorant population.

Sohoronenge is determined to bring her plans of escape to a sudden halt, locking down the borders and inducing raw fright in the populace. Fueled by fear and old grief, he constructs a scheme to ensnare the rogue slave, and to destroy every fragment of her mentality.

In Schalane's hunt to seek out his motives, she learns things she wishes had never been revealed to her.


Adventure, Fantasy, Novel



19 days ago Rose K said:

Wow!! I really enjoyed reading the first chapter and can't wait to read more. Run through and check punctuation, but I think overall your punctuation and grammar were fine. You took on a very interesting perspective as the slave and really put us in the position of being a lower class and how that feels and not being able to do anything about it. I really loved the story and I'm very interested to see where it goes. Good luck. :)


26 days ago Memma said:

I really enjoyed reading this first chapter and am curious to see how you are going to continue it. Your writing is quite good - keep it up :)

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26 days ago Lauren Harrell said:

I don't know why Figment put all of my comments into one paragraph! Sorry if it's confusing! lol


27 days ago Emily Dawn said:

I thought the story was very well written. It had Great punctuation. Nothing I can really point out. I have to say that this isn't very intriguing. In my opinion anyway. I thought it lacked enthusiasm. It wasn't flowing but it had a good plot. The characters are one thing I really liked and it was very descriptive maybe not enough for me. But overall I really enjoyed it. Keep up the great work!



about 19 hours ago Brianna Callanan said:

So since this is a supposedly 9-minute chapter I will be reviewing as I go. If I write something it is a suggestion.

How does Schalane feel about being sold and towards her mother? I get the feeling of neutral and apathetic about it.

The descriptions are wonderful.

The line “I’m uncomfortable, but not panicked.” When I read it both in my head and out loud it seems oddly said. Maybe “I’m uncomfortable, but not panicking.”

The sentence where it says “I need to force my nausea back, somewhere it’s not seen as weakness” I would add an “a” after “as”

Erik is going to not be able to have his scrapbook anymore is the feeling I get.

Honestly, some parts of this first chapter reminds me of the Hunger Games. There are different things but it does feel like the Hunger Games I disliked the Hunger Games a lot. Though if I didn’t read the synopsis I would think of it would be heading that way.

I suggest that you put more emotions in for Schalane unless you want her to be someone who is “meh” most of the time. The other characters we don’t know much about yet so I can’t really form an opinion yet other than the female of the train I think is a b***h.

I do say a great job and definitely, continue. Let me know when more is out. I will continue to read since I like what the synopsis says and I do like the idea.


19 days ago Jessica Jesmore said:

HI! So I am really excited to be reading your work. I will try to be as helpful as I can, though I feel like you’re writing is a bit ahead of mine, so I’m not sure how helpful I will actually be.

I review as I read, so I apologize if my thoughts are a bit random.

Here goes! Chapter one:

Very impactful opening sentence. Immediately, I’m like “Whaaat?! Her mom sold her?”

So I feel the stage has been set for a very serious, eat-or-be-eaten kind of world, and I’m only a few paragraphs in. Also, the way you weave your descriptions in with the action of the story is awesome.

So she is a slave. Interesting. I love the names you chose for your characters.

Still loving your descriptions, and the story is flowing along very nicely. I haven’t noticed any mistakes yet.

I love the running dialog we get of the characters thoughts. One of the things I find most disorienting while reading is when I have no idea what’s going on in the MC’s head. This story entertwines the MC’s thoughts into the story line perfectly. It gives the story added depth.

Oh, what’s an Ingenium??? I’m very intrigued.

“I have always held a loathing for abrasive noice which can be felt grating through my soul.” This sentence was a bit confusing to me. I had to read it a few times. I think I get what you’re saying, but the wording threw me off.

It says a lot about the harsh government you’ve established in your book when you talk about the severe penalties of the absent. I like it.

I can feel the dread MC feels when she speaks freely by accident. Wow. Chills.

“Death by verbal attack” lol. This made me giggle. I like how feisty your character is, even though she must be subdued due to her station.

I don’t really get a sense that a lot of time has passed between when Erik falls asleep and then wakes up. I wonder if you could add something in here to illustrate specifically that time is passing? Just a thought.

“All must leave belongings on this train” Perhaps change it to all “Passengers must leave all belongings on this train”?

Well, I absolutely loved reading this chapter. This seems like my genre of book. I love the glimpses of your world that you have given us in this chapter, and I can’t wait to get the rest of the pieces so I can see the big picture.

Your MC is great and has a ton of depth. I love that. Your descriptions are fabulous and everything flows nicely and makes sense. I am excited to read what comes next. Thank you for sharing this :)