Of Ash and Linen

Of Ash and Linen

5 chapters / 15826 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

A pretty, breakable object is all she has ever been. Ava knows that as the niece of the king she is regarded as somewhere between valuable and unnecessary.
There is only one thing she can do with that will be of worth: arranged marriage. Ava is sentenced to be the bride a powerful ruler, but all she can see is more of the same life: little freedom and no real say in her future.
On the journey to meet her betrothed, Ava's life begins to unravel further when she is stolen away a by a strange tribe of free men and women. They don't care that Ava is royalty, for she is nothing more than a prisoner to them.
Worst of all, their leader is by far the most dangerous man Ava has ever met, and yet the most captivating. She senses him taking root in her soul as he steals her heart piece-by-piece. Is he taking them, or is she giving them freely? As Ava’s confusion grows and her convictions falter, captivity begins to look a lot more like freedom than freedom ever did.
Eventually Ava’s responsibilities catch up to her and she is forced to make a choice. For a girl inexperienced in making her own decisions, her first choice will carry the weight of nations. Ava must sacrifice her life to save the lives of thousands, or everything she loves will burn to ash.

Genres:

Adventure, Romance, Novel

Comments(11)

Lovingsnowmen

4 months ago Alexis Arevalo said:

Just realized I never rated after I read. Sorry!

Sister

4 months ago Tasha said:

I see the story that I had read has actually continued but has been continued hear I hope you don't mind if I wait to read this until I have gone to bed and gotten enough sleep so as I do not make a fool out of myself with a review that may be tainted by my tired eyes

Pp

4 months ago Kylie Elaine said:

I read the first chapter and it was beautiful. Your descriptions are truly amazing and I just love your characters. I didn't find a single mistake that I could talk about, so congrats on that. I could tell you put a lot of thought into the words you use and it all flows wonderfully! Keep writing!

Pp

4 months ago Kylie Elaine said:

I am about to read this, but first I wanted to say that I love your summary. The story sounds soooooo good!

Reviews(37)

Me

4 months ago Mari said:

Chapter 4:

"...they were here at all[,] and why..." - added comma

You said "She couldn't discern why they were here.." but then you go onto say that they attacked them for a purpose, and THAT was the reason that they were there, so these sentences are kinda contradictory, since it sounds like Ava knew that they came down just to attack them, if that makes sense?

"...about them; bear with..." technically I don't think the semicolon is correct here since you aren't connecting two complete sentences, but you may want to look up the actual rule, just thought I'd point it out,

Also, this whole first part of the chapter doesn't really have the smoothest flow. You're describing a lot of information, which is good and necessary, but make sure that the paragraphs and sentences flow better together with one another. This will make the information seem more connected to the story and make sure the reader pays attention. I don't know if I suggested it before, but you can try reading it out loud, or having someone read it to you to check to see if it flows as you intended it!

"The Elpeci Men..." - You repeat "...had brought" two sentences in a row

Another thing I've noticed is that you use the word "had" a lot more than is necessary. Most of these sentences can be reworded to eliminate the word, and it'll make your writing stronger overall - same goes for the word "was," though you don't use that one as often

"...to the side [from the force of it]." - the bracketed part isn't really necessary, since you say it was because of the slap before.

I like the way you show Ava's feelings, they're very realistic and fit her personality well!

"With no cover, Ava immediately felt exposed." - this sentence is a little repetitive, since obviously lack of cover would make you exposed. If you wanted to you could take out the first part.

"He wouldn't die[;] he couldn't." - a semi-colon works better here than a comma, since they're both complete sentences

Okay wow you really know how to write action, I'm seriously on the edge of my seat wanting to know what happens! You keep the action going throughout the chapter, but I still felt there was enough exposition to breath and process what was going on. One suggestion I have (That I've probably mentioned before, but all my reviews are running together) is that you need to vary your sentence structure. Many of your sentences start with "she" or "he" or a name, and after a while they start to sound choppy and repetitive. Try to vary how you start your sentences, and it'll make everything flow a bit better! Great job though!

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4 months ago Lauren Harrell said:

Chapter 3: Personally, I don’t think it’s relevant to describe everything Ava saw throughout her journey, but I see why you wrote it. I do have to ask...why did you start with day three instead of day one or two?

Based on the time period and setting you’ve set, I don’t think contractions are necessary. I could be way off...but I’m seeing Ava as a royal who doesn’t use words like “What’s happening,” instead I see her using words like “What is happening,” etc. Same with the guards and other characters.

Sounds like a horrible carriage ride! Hardly any speaking, and she must be insanely bored! Maybe instead of having all the days crammed into a few paragraphs, consider spreading them out a little bit more, and have Ava share how bored she was that she started counting trees, playing with her fingernails, etc.

Martis definitely stood out to me. He doesn’t talk like Otis, who referred to Ava as “my lady.” Not sure if Marits is from another part of land?? Maybe you’ll address this later, but his line really stood out.

The part where Ava has a memory of her sister is really special and sweet. I like how you weaved the memory into the story without it taking too much space and then you jumped back to reality really nicely. Great job.

Yikes! The part with Anthus and the arrow….I like how you didn’t just say, “Anthus was shot and died…” haha I like how you explained how the life was “drained from him.” My heart is pounding now!

Not sure if this is a Figment thing, but I think “thud, thud, thud,” should be italicized.

Also, throughout the chapter you mention “Laughed” a lot. Maybe you could use other words to vary it.

Another note, since her guards are killed, I would add more details about them instead of details about the scenery from the opening paragraphs. Being trapped in a carriage would cause her to probably notice her guards more than the scenery...just a thought :) I would also like more descriptions about Ava's captors. You have some now, but I want more, I want to literally cringe when I hear about the captors. But I'm still enthralled with what you have written, so it's just a suggestion to add more.

So I was so caught up in the ending of this chapter and the unexpected twist, that I didn’t see any more errors. This is excellently well-written, and probably my favorite chapter so far! Other than a few mistakes, I’m so curious to find out what happens next. It’s not easy to write about action, combine it with memories, and keep the story going without making it drag. Great job!