Sketches

Sketches

10 chapters / 18786 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

Lia is a person who sketches. Mickey is a person who smiles. Middle school is a thing that sucks.

In Sketches, the three intertwine into a coming of age story for all, a few thousand words in which you will find humor, introspection, and hope for our generation. (Cover by Ruby Rae Daniels)

Comments(1)

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7 months ago Rose K said:

Wow!! I've read chapter one and half of chapter two but i just had to stop and say this is amazing!!! You really get into the characters head. Wow. Good job. I will post a review with criticism when I finish reading for now, back to the book. ;) :P

Reviews(6)

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about 1 month ago E. Anderson said:

Just taking care of a few loose ends before Figment shuts down and reviewing this story for you is one of them. :) Sorry it's taken so long and that it's coming right as Figment is closing!

CHAPTER ONE - CHAPTER TWO

COMPLIMENTS

Wow, I'm very impressed with the plausibility of the characters' dialogue. I immediately believe, within the first couple of sentences, that Mickey and Lia are good friends, and their conversation is very realistic for being friends

Crazy plot twist at the end of the first chapter! I just thought they were friends, but I can see a different relationship now that you've said it! Nice way to turn the plot around effectively!

I love in the second chapter where you use the metaphor of a zoo to describe Lia and the popular girls. Great imagery.

CRITIQUES

Early in the first chapter where Lia is checking the dress to make sure it looks right, you switch from past to present tense for a brief moment. Make sure to fix this.

Despite the plausibility of the conversation, my initial thought from the level of it was that they were high schoolers, at least, or even older. This is just my thought so no pressure to change their ages, the maturity of their conversations was just something that I noticed.

In the second chapter, you switch tenses again when you're talking about the teachers not enforcing the rules.

The second chapter is good, but it feels a bit rushed to me, particularly at the end during Lia's and Ivy's exchange.

GENERAL COMMENTS

What a great story!I'll have to read more at some point before Figment's gone, unless you're moving this to a different site. I'm intrigued to see what direction the plot is going; you've done a great job of drawing the reader in! Keep up the great work!

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7 months ago Abby A said:

This is a really cool story! I enjoyed your two characters and their relationship. You did a great job wit each person's character so it didn't sound like one person talking but multiple people. I saw this especially during the beginning scene and the part with Lia's mom. I just enjoyed this because it was a very realistic, quirky story about two middle schoolers. I actually went over to chapter 2 to continue. How dare those girls criticize her fashion sense? I bet if they saw her dress they wouldn't say anything haha.

One thing I will say is there's a lot of dialogue, but I don't think there's enough descriptions/details about the surrounding area, or even about subtle character movements. Also, try putting the person's name after their dialogue "...," Lia said. This way it's easier to discern who is speaking. Not every line of dialogue needs that, but it can be helpful in some places.