Sketches

Sketches

10 chapters / 18786 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

"Lia turned her back to Mickey, who had been staring--from a safe distance-- at the rhythmically throbbing crowd.
Like a heartbeat, Mickey thought.
Lia didn’t hear him gasp.
She also didn’t hear him mutter, 'Gotta go,'" ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- Lia is a person who sketches. Mickey is a person who smiles. Middle school is a thing that sucks.

In Sketches, the three intertwine into a coming of age story for all, a few thousand words in which you will find humor, introspection, and hope for our generation. (Cover by Ruby Rae Daniels)

Comments(1)

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28 days ago Rose K said:

Wow!! I've read chapter one and half of chapter two but i just had to stop and say this is amazing!!! You really get into the characters head. Wow. Good job. I will post a review with criticism when I finish reading for now, back to the book. ;) :P

Reviews(5)

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29 days ago Abby A said:

This is a really cool story! I enjoyed your two characters and their relationship. You did a great job wit each person's character so it didn't sound like one person talking but multiple people. I saw this especially during the beginning scene and the part with Lia's mom. I just enjoyed this because it was a very realistic, quirky story about two middle schoolers. I actually went over to chapter 2 to continue. How dare those girls criticize her fashion sense? I bet if they saw her dress they wouldn't say anything haha.

One thing I will say is there's a lot of dialogue, but I don't think there's enough descriptions/details about the surrounding area, or even about subtle character movements. Also, try putting the person's name after their dialogue "...," Lia said. This way it's easier to discern who is speaking. Not every line of dialogue needs that, but it can be helpful in some places.

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29 days ago Madison L.H. said:

I decided to complete our swap during a moment of boredom, and I must say I was not at all disappointed. What better way to start a novel than with a guy in a dress and two middle schoolers smoking weed? Can't say I can think of any. Kudos for making something fun to read, with a good hook and an admirable sense of humor.

Now, for my few suggestions:

OVERVIEW

"Quit being so melodramatic. And I hate to break it to you, but there’s no sequins on this dress.” Lia said matter-of-factly as she pulled a piece of fabric over her squirmy model’s shoulder."

It might just be me, but I think 'dramatic' might be a better word here. I associate melodrama more with sob stories more than simple complaints.

Also, if a character's words are followed by a dialogue tag, such as said, you should leave the quote open with a comma instead of ending it with a period.

"She grabbed his shoulders, which was a difficult reach for the 4’11” eighth grader,"

'Was' should be 'were' here.

"She clicked her tongue and said, “Well I had a great model.” "

There should be a comma to indicate a pause after 'well.'

"Just like Mr. Jumei didn’t notice I didn’t turn in that worksheet for math. Or like Mrs. Malco didn’t realize I didn’t turn in those notes for english."

The names of the classes should be capitalized.

One last (rather broad) thing I noticed is that your sentences are rather long and tend to trail off. I'm guilty of the same thing. I recommend you read your work aloud; hearing how the words aloud will help you make them easier on the eyes (and the ears.)

Overall, good work! I will be happy to read more. :)

Hope this helped! Always keep writing.

-Madison