Alone

Alone

1 chapter / 242 words

Approximately 1 minute to read

Description:

June Poetry contest entry, hope you like it.

Genres:

Poetry

Comments(5)

Prom

about 1 month ago Emma Funk said:

Good description of heartbreak, although maybe add something in the beginning to show the depth of feeling before the loss! A few lines felt a bit off to me, like they had too many syllables than the line before them so it was difficult to feel the rhythm of the rhyme. You definitely had good rhymes in here though, very defined vocabulary. I felt like you lost your bite in the last stanza though, the end should be the sucker punch but I felt like here it just trickled away.

Sanya k 2

4 months ago Haley Kissell said:

This was so heart breakingly beautiful! It rhymed (most poetry on Figment is freestyle) perfectly and flowed well. Great job! Keep writing!

Center

5 months ago Lauren Fricke said:

I genuinely believe that this is well done. The rhyme pattern- for the most part- aids in the storytelling, and I think your vocab and descriptors are lovely.

Areas to watch/take another look at: -punctuation. You don't have to put in a ton, but definitely try to follow normal laws of punctuation. For example, there is a line where you have two independent clauses (independent sentences). Put in the proper comma to separate. This could also be beneficial for emphasis. For example, you have a stanza where one thought is split between lines, but the final line is a separate idea. Try putting a period before that to emphasis the importance of that last line. -grammar. This isn't a terribly large issue. Just read back over for mistakes. For example, "dived" is not a word. The correct one would be "dove". -flow. Again, not a huge issue. However, there were lines that felt awkward to read aloud. Just take another look at them. I will say, though, that a few of your stanzas were BEAUTIFULLY written- flowed perfectly.

I hope this helps! Congrats on your win, and definitely check out our new contests!

Center

5 months ago Lauren Fricke said:

I genuinely believe that this is well done. The rhyme pattern- for the most part- aids in the storytelling, and I think your vocab and descriptors are lovely.

Areas to watch/take another look at: -punctuation. You don't have to put in a ton, but definitely try to follow normal laws of punctuation. For example, there is a line where you have two independent clauses (independent sentences). Put in the proper comma to separate. This could also be beneficial for emphasis. For example, you have a stanza where one thought is split between lines, but the final line is a separate idea. Try putting a period before that to emphasis the importance of that last line. -grammar. This isn't a terribly large issue. Just read back over for mistakes. For example, "dived" is not a word. The correct one would be "dove". -flow. Again, not a huge issue. However, there were lines that felt awkward to read aloud. Just take another look at them. I will say, though, that a few of your stanzas were BEAUTIFULLY written- flowed perfectly.

I hope this helps! Congrats on your win, and definitely check out our new contests!

Reviews(2)

Brown haired blue eyed

about 1 month ago LeChevalierRoland said:

Wow, you make me want to cry so much!! So sad! But so beautiful! You have some amazing flow going in this piece. Rhyming works so well for you! I’m trying to find something to critique, but the only thing that felt iffy was the last line in the fourth stanza. Something about it just felt dead compared to the other last lines, but I didn’t think there was anything clearly wrong with it. I thought you were able to paint the story so well and make it so relatable. Wow. Just wow.

Pitch photo 5

5 months ago Wanderlust Fox said:

This is is so really and raw- easy to relate to. For whatever reason, the part where you spoke of laying there at the end of the day- the emotions sinking in. That spoke to me.

I want to commend the flow of this; it rolled off the tongue easily when read out loud. It seemed like a dreary ballad.

The final stanza in which you make the statements of feeling alone- that one part didn't seem to flow as eloquently as the previous ones BUT it still works. I merely mention this in case you're looking for ways to improve, though I doubt that will really matter!

Best of luck in the contest- I think you really stand a chance. It's a good poem and its one we can all say "ah, yes, I have been here before. I know the pain."

Excellent piece!

~Wanderlust Fox