Alone

Alone

1 chapter / 242 words

Approximately 1 minute to read

Description:

June Poetry contest entry, hope you like it.

Genres:

Poetry

Comments(4)

Haley_propic[1theoneandonly]

2 months ago Haley Kissell said:

This was so heart breakingly beautiful! It rhymed (most poetry on Figment is freestyle) perfectly and flowed well. Great job! Keep writing!

Center

3 months ago Lauren Fricke said:

I genuinely believe that this is well done. The rhyme pattern- for the most part- aids in the storytelling, and I think your vocab and descriptors are lovely.

Areas to watch/take another look at: -punctuation. You don't have to put in a ton, but definitely try to follow normal laws of punctuation. For example, there is a line where you have two independent clauses (independent sentences). Put in the proper comma to separate. This could also be beneficial for emphasis. For example, you have a stanza where one thought is split between lines, but the final line is a separate idea. Try putting a period before that to emphasis the importance of that last line. -grammar. This isn't a terribly large issue. Just read back over for mistakes. For example, "dived" is not a word. The correct one would be "dove". -flow. Again, not a huge issue. However, there were lines that felt awkward to read aloud. Just take another look at them. I will say, though, that a few of your stanzas were BEAUTIFULLY written- flowed perfectly.

I hope this helps! Congrats on your win, and definitely check out our new contests!

Center

3 months ago Lauren Fricke said:

I genuinely believe that this is well done. The rhyme pattern- for the most part- aids in the storytelling, and I think your vocab and descriptors are lovely.

Areas to watch/take another look at: -punctuation. You don't have to put in a ton, but definitely try to follow normal laws of punctuation. For example, there is a line where you have two independent clauses (independent sentences). Put in the proper comma to separate. This could also be beneficial for emphasis. For example, you have a stanza where one thought is split between lines, but the final line is a separate idea. Try putting a period before that to emphasis the importance of that last line. -grammar. This isn't a terribly large issue. Just read back over for mistakes. For example, "dived" is not a word. The correct one would be "dove". -flow. Again, not a huge issue. However, there were lines that felt awkward to read aloud. Just take another look at them. I will say, though, that a few of your stanzas were BEAUTIFULLY written- flowed perfectly.

I hope this helps! Congrats on your win, and definitely check out our new contests!

Pokemon

3 months ago A.R. KYRON said:

Wow! This is awesome! I can see it's a contest entry. I hope you win :) Best of luck!

Reviews(1)

Pitch photo 5

3 months ago Wanderlust Fox said:

This is is so really and raw- easy to relate to. For whatever reason, the part where you spoke of laying there at the end of the day- the emotions sinking in. That spoke to me.

I want to commend the flow of this; it rolled off the tongue easily when read out loud. It seemed like a dreary ballad.

The final stanza in which you make the statements of feeling alone- that one part didn't seem to flow as eloquently as the previous ones BUT it still works. I merely mention this in case you're looking for ways to improve, though I doubt that will really matter!

Best of luck in the contest- I think you really stand a chance. It's a good poem and its one we can all say "ah, yes, I have been here before. I know the pain."

Excellent piece!

~Wanderlust Fox