1 chapter / 5126 words

Approximately 26 minutes to read


Trigger warning. Very violent in a realistic way. Involves abuse. Haven't written in awhile wanted to see if i still had it. If enough people enjoy i may add more. This is a rough draft of the first chapter of my book. I plan to edit it to add detail and give it a more realistic feel before I add a second chapter.





about 18 hours ago Devon Golden said:

I enjoy the direction this book is going. The story is a little angsty and does more telling of her issues than showing. You could probably "show" better why the character struggles so much by showing how she responds to certain situations rather than by telling us. No emotional connection is built by the reader towards someone who's problems are told to them. Second would be that you should do a quick read through and correct some grammar mistakes which can be quite distracting. I'm not going to point those out because I am confident you can correct them with a quick read through. Well done on this book!


2 days ago L U N A said:

This book was so good! I think it accurately describes the emotions and thoughts of teenaged girl (I'm assuming she's a teenager But correct me if I'm wrong) That's been through a lot in her few short years of being alive. There were a few grammatical errors that could be easily fixed if you went through it again. (Reading it backwards helps me with spelling.) But so far, so good. Keep up the good work! :)


2 months ago Chris Guard said:

Damn that's brutal. Really well written, and I really felt for the girl. It's a relatable situation and I think it's a good read.



2 months ago Tasha said:

I would make the words Answer Me in caps so it seems more angry... When I see someone talking to me in caps I feel they are either angry at me or they are yelling at me. I think putting those two words in caps will put more anger into the words... but that is just what I think. Seeing as she was facing the floor explain she tried to turn her head as he held her head tightly in his grip but she could still see the hate raging in his eyes... give it more power... Other than that it is really good and well read... I hope my opinions do not upset you....The more emotion and hatred you put into the book the more real it feels for the readers... It has to have power behind the hits and the grabs and the words because that is what makes the fear real in the child. Lots more emotions, rage and hate and everything will be Fantastic... If you need help ever writing an abusive story you can always talk to me I have Personal experience and I would gladly help you with putting the hate in the words and making them more real with each syllable.


3 months ago Blue Lexius said:

I've never read a story on child abuse before (except for "The boy in the striped pyjamas"), so it was a little disturbing. You've done a good job describing the topic that which you've chosen. I'd like to call it honest, though I really have no clue. The father's brutality gives reason to worry for the well-being of the main character. It raises questions: Aside from the cigarettes, how does this trauma affect her later on in life? Where is the father now?

It's eerie how the pain of the burn soon evolves into pleasure. This does work as a stand-alone piece, however i'd be very interested to read more if you wrote another chapter.