Grotesque

Grotesque

1 chapter / 5126 words

Approximately 26 minutes to read

Description:

Trigger warning. Very violent in a realistic way. Involves abuse. Haven't written in awhile wanted to see if i still had it. If enough people enjoy i may add more. This is a rough draft of the first chapter of my book. I plan to edit it to add detail and give it a more realistic feel before I add a second chapter.

Genres:

Writing

Comments(3)

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2 months ago Devon Golden said:

I enjoy the direction this book is going. The story is a little angsty and does more telling of her issues than showing. You could probably "show" better why the character struggles so much by showing how she responds to certain situations rather than by telling us. No emotional connection is built by the reader towards someone who's problems are told to them. Second would be that you should do a quick read through and correct some grammar mistakes which can be quite distracting. I'm not going to point those out because I am confident you can correct them with a quick read through. Well done on this book!

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2 months ago L U N A said:

This book was so good! I think it accurately describes the emotions and thoughts of teenaged girl (I'm assuming she's a teenager But correct me if I'm wrong) That's been through a lot in her few short years of being alive. There were a few grammatical errors that could be easily fixed if you went through it again. (Reading it backwards helps me with spelling.) But so far, so good. Keep up the good work! :)

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4 months ago Chris Guard said:

Damn that's brutal. Really well written, and I really felt for the girl. It's a relatable situation and I think it's a good read.

Reviews(4)

Brown haired blue eyed

about 1 month ago LeChevalierRoland said:

Wow, that was rather intense. Interesting. So this girl is really messed up. Like, mega. I’m curious where you’re taking this. Is it a redemptive story? What’s the purpose? Are you just writing it for the sake of it? I like the Indian man at the store. He seemed really sweet. I want to see him in the next chapter you post >.<

Things to work on: The second sentence felt wrong. It was a natural progression after the first sentence, but the way you phrased it needs some slight alterations. Also, while it is good to get to know the narrator I don’t think that you need paragraph after paragraph giving her backstory. It doesn’t feel natural, but forced. Later on in the chapter when you describe the death of the mother, I felt like it was too quick. You could build more suspense instead of just stating that he slit her throat. Finally, I think you could break up the chapter into multiple chapters instead of rushing through everything. You could change it isn’t flashback chapters in between current chapters or some other format.

Overall, I really want to know the why behind this piece. I like that you’re so upfront about what she is doing. I like the topic and I think the narrator is interesting. I think that you could develop this into something very good.

Brown haired blue eyed

about 1 month ago LeChevalierRoland said:

Wow, that was rather intense. Interesting. So this girl is really messed up. Like, mega. I’m curious where you’re taking this. Is it a redemptive story? What’s the purpose? Are you just writing it for the sake of it? I like the Indian man at the store. He seemed really sweet. I want to see him in the next chapter you post >.<

Things to work on: The second sentence felt wrong. It was a natural progression after the first sentence, but the way you phrased it needs some slight alterations. Also, while it is good to get to know the narrator I don’t think that you need paragraph after paragraph giving her backstory. It doesn’t feel natural, but forced. Later on in the chapter when you describe the death of the mother, I felt like it was too quick. You could build more suspense instead of just stating that he slit her throat. Finally, I think you could break up the chapter into multiple chapters instead of rushing through everything. You could change it isn’t flashback chapters in between current chapters or some other format.

Overall, I really want to know the why behind this piece. I like that you’re so upfront about what she is doing. I like the topic and I think the narrator is interesting. I think that you could develop this into something very good.