1 chapter / 4384 words

Approximately 22 minutes to read


*Incomplete* Mary Kay Ellis caused a stir in the small town of Belcrest, Nebraska almost a decade ago, and has now reappeared in the life of an old friend, Abel Bloome. Abel is determined to discover what motivated teenage Mary Kay in her actions before her disappearance.


Writing, Short Story



4 months ago Donna Chappell said:

Quite impressive piece of work you share with us. The number of people come with great skills of essay service writing and can provide the best quality content to the readers. Riley I really like your beautiful talent keep it up and keep sharing such great work with us.



4 months ago Erin Rae said:

Wow, what an amazing story you have! You write beautifully. Your dialogue flows and is believable. The way Abel and Mary Kay interact at the coffee shop is very well done, showing their relationship and how far they go back. You use enough detail that gives me the perfect picture in my mind and doesn't overwhelm me. Your characters are wonderfully written. They have depth to them, they breathe, they love, they hate. They have flaws, as people should. You've developed all of the characters, even the minor ones in only a chapter. I was hooked right away, wanting to know what Mary Kay did to make the town dislike her so much. I honestly don't think there's anything you could change in this story.

I'm excited to read more of this, good job!


4 months ago houli said:

Hi Riley! (Is it okay if I call you that? Haha). I'm excited to get started and as a heads up I review as I read and then will give a brief summary of what I thought at the end.

I just clapped my hands like a two year old at the first sentence of this, so I'm guessing this is going to be an awesome read! What I like so much about it is: a) the simplicity of it - it's short and concise and avoids what is often a wordy, confusing hook sentence. b) the fundamental information it offers in a neat little package - the characters name, the "when" of the setting, and even a little background on Mary Kay. c) last but certainly not least, I love the questions this sentence prompts. Why did she leave in the first place? And now, why is she back? Incredible job.

Ahhh, the small town setting. I love how subtly you introduce it, as simply as stating that there were only 5 aisles in the grocery store and the fact that the reappearance of one person is new gossip. The relationship and dialouge between Abel and his mom is spotless. It bumps and flows along like conversation in reality, providing a nice look into the relationship between Abel and his mom and even the other citizens. I like how you provide alternate viewings of Mary Kay - it lets me know that Abel is both drawn to her (by curiousity, past love, or something else?) and that it's also quite unavoidable to see her around. It also gives an opportunity to slip in descriptions - now I know that she drinks hot things in the morning, has a crappy car, and has a reason to not go into church. The coffeeshop rundown feels a little out of place and abrupt to me, even though it is fairly relevant and provides more setting and background. I think it might need a bit more of an introduction - mention that he'd already weighed out his options or something similar. Normally, I would find typical conversation like ordering drinks dull and pointless and I would suggest cutting it out. But somehow, you've made me cling to this conversation and kept my interest throughout. You'll have to teach me your tricks sometime. The relationship between Mary Kay and Abel is developing nicely. It's the itty bitty little details that Abel knows about her that speaks volumes about how they know each other. Your characters are beautifully developed.

If I'm straight with you, you're one of those writers that make me feel very small and inexperienced. Because wow. This was incredible. I wish I had some kind of critique to help you out, but I just found myself complimenting your writing over and over again. My favorite things: The characters - so wonderfully colorful and diverse! I can't assume you're a Harry Potter fan, but the depth of your characters reminds me of Rowling. Your use of 3rd person - personally, I can't write in 3rd for the life of me, and often find it difficult to put myself in the characters shoes when reading something written in this POV. I didn't have this problem at all when reading this - I don't know what it is, but you did a great job!

So glad I got to read this! I learned a lot just from reading your writing, and can't wait to hear what you have to say about my humble writing. Hope this was helpful to you!