Secrets of the Heart

Secrets of the Heart

2 chapters / 848 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

What if it was illegal to be a Christian in the UK? Imagine wanting to share an amazing love you'd found but had to keep it buried?
This is the story of Faith. A blogger with many secrets.
www.psalm4421.com

Genres:

Writing, Drama, Novel

Comments(1)

Art2007_floatingingarden

3 months ago Christal Hector said:

That was interesting. I wanted a surprised, so I didn't read the description before reading the story. I was actually really intrigued, trying to guess what the secret was before the speaker said it.

All in all, I hope you continue this story. So far, the premise is good :) Thanks for filling out the survey!

Reviews(2)

Excitedsun

3 months ago Mickey Mouse said:

I am interested in the premise of this story. It seems very unlikely for Christianity to be illegal in the near future in the United Kingdom. I know that it was illegal for a few centuries before Charlemange came along, but now that it's such a popular and established religion, I don't see how it could happen without people putting up a fight. Of course the U.K. is getting less Christian, but it's more of a lack of interest than an active dislike.

The first entry is dated 23/07/17, so it's either an alternate universe, or it's 2117 or even 2217. You mention that people in this world worship the government, with a picture of the leader (queen? prime minister? overlord?) on the wall of every house. Has some foreign power taken over? Did the western world lose an important war that was won in our timeline? Did a powerful atheist Soviet Union take over, or a cult of personality like North Korea, or was this the result of homegrown British terrorism? It seems like probably all religion is banned, if the objection to it is that nothing can compete with worship of the government. Of course, people in our time don't really like religion interfering with government; for example when John F. Kennedy became the first Catholic president of the United States, some people were worried that he would have to do what the pope said, or it would end up in a huge clash like when Pope Gregory VII excommunicated Henry IV. Can't have absolute power when there's an independent source of morality.

I've also determined by doing some quick math that our main character was raised by an alcoholic single teen mum. Is this common in this society or is she just unlucky? Where is her dad? Why are her siblings so much younger? Did some unsavory guy accidentally get her mum pregnant with twins? It seems people still go to school, and there isn't much futuristic slang, so it's not too different from our world, except the inexplicable dictatorship. So how did she find out about Christianity in the first place? Why doesn't she have anyone to talk about it with? Did she just randomly find a bible? Why can't the government trace her blog posts? I have a lot of questions, so I hope you keep writing.

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3 months ago houli said:

Hi Rosie! Hope you're having a good day!

I've always loved to read journal/blog/diary type stories. It's always interested me because the reader is literally reading the MC's direct thoughts - their everyday feelings, struggles, and deepest secrets. But there is a challenge in writing one of these - especially if you plan to continue it longer than a few chapters. Interest. It's hard to keep readers interested when the format is essentially the same every chapter.

In order to do so, you're really going to have to possess some serious empathy for your MC. Put yourself in Faith's shoes, and really explore her feelings. This journal needs to be raw, heartfelt, and scarily real in order for it to get your message across. I would suggest doing your research and reading (real) accounts of Christians in hiding so that reality can transfer over to this story. Another thing though - make sure you don't get so caught up in the emotion of the story that you don't completely throw the plotline out the window. That's also a key piece to keep the reader interested - what was new today about being a christian? How was school? The family? Make sure things don't get repetitive.

Ok one more thing and then I'll shut up lol. Your flow is a bit choppy in these two chapters - which I totally understand because for some reason thoughts come out of the head in short sentences. A writer's curse, I guess. But I would suggest lengthening some senetences and surrounding the shorter statements that you wish to hold a lot of weight. This way those shorter statements will hold more power and be more memorable instead of just blending in with the rest of the piece.

I am so sorry if some of this came out sounding blunt - I suppose it's because I would love to see this continued and improved! You're a beautiful writer and there's already so much empathy in this piece - I think it could become something even more meaningful and impactful. Please please please let me know if you have any questions or comments - I'd love to follow this and help you out in any way I can. You've got a rad start, and I hope this is helpful to you!