Stockholm Syndrome

Stockholm Syndrome

2 chapters / 3177 words

Approximately 16 minutes to read

Description:

She got sucked into his world, his violent, abusive, destructive world, and she can't find her way out.

Genres:

Short Story

Comments(10)

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about 1 month ago E.G.H. said:

Wow. That was literally a glance into someone else's soul. That is top-quality writing. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.

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about 1 month ago Lauren Fricke said:

Oh my!

I adore the twist at the ending; it really cemented the piece as something different. In addition, I think you did a really good job of making Diane believable and realistic.

My main suggestion with this piece would be pace. The second chapter, and the surprise ending, feel very rushed. I (as a reader) have hardly figured out who Diane is when the ball is dropped. To be quite frank, I think you either need to extend this into a longer piece or shorten it to a single chapter where the surprise is more sudden. That way, it doesn't feel like a story that should keep going.

Either way, the passion and feeling you put into this piece is lovely.

Nice job!

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about 1 month ago Evelyn said:

Hey I saw your comment on my profile that said you wanted a swap so here ya go.

Oh my GOD. That was so good. The characters were so well represented and the dialogue was great.The ending was so freaking good. It was such a good twist I loved it SO much. Keep writing! This was great!

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2 months ago J. Li said:

I loved the dialogue in this! It's very realistic and captured the characters' tone and personality perfectly. I can see who Tristan is, who the narrator is, and it all ties in together to create this rough, gritty atmosphere throughout the story. The descriptions are also wonderfully written and feel lifelike. Overall, a great job!

Reviews(2)

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about 1 month ago Paige Johnson said:

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about 1 month ago Paige Johnson said:

It'd be a period not a comma in "Hey, baby." because you can't continue/tag a sentence with a non said-type word. Anyway, great opening scene. I like all the tangible feeling we get first: coarse, chapped, calloused. Lean "in" toward sounds too wordy, awkward. It's better to just trim it to "all he did was smoke, nearly burning his hand as the cigarettes gradually disintegrated." Thoughts "between the two of us" sounds odd. When you say babe or anything like someone's name, a comma goes before it because you're addressing them as that. quotes that continue have a lowercase beginning. For ex: "You know, babe," he said. I doubt he just smelled of smoke. Cigarette smell is more distinctive than that, especially by brand. Menthols smell damper. Some tobacco is stronger than others, some almost smell spicy. Lana Del Rey and Melanie Martinez