└ The Flare ┘

└ The Flare ┘

4 chapters / 4016 words

Approximately 20 minutes to read

Description:

Ongoing │ 2017


Years ago, people on Earth predicted that a solar flare would wipe out the human race and leave the planet a barren wasteland.

At first nobody paid it any attention. But then slowly, signs started showing. The weather started changing, crops wouldn't grow anymore, droughts became the number one problem faced by most countries. The predictions were coming true. Humans would soon cease to exist.

So, these same scientists that foresaw what would happen felt the need to take matters into their own hands. They made labs deep under the ground where they hoped the Flare wouldn't reach them. They intended to gather newborns so they could run experiments and create a race of superhumans with abilities that might help bring the Earth back to what it used to be after being destroyed by the solar flare.

From all of the space exploration they had done, they collected particles from various planets, its moons and even stars and asteroids. They called it 'Essences'. These Essences were the main ingredient in the serum that was injected into these children. And not all of those kids chose to be there. They were all handed in by their parents and had been among hundreds of other children from all around the world to have passed the initial round of tests and were qualified to be injected.

Now grown up, these people, more commonly referred to as experiments, are all of what's left of the world apart from the main scientists and guards at the lab. They still have to undergo a few more tests and events till they can leave the lab.

But nobody knows what they'll find upon reaching land again since anyone that's gone up after the Flare hit, has never come back down...




Comments(11)

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3 months ago Eowyn Doyle said:

I really like this story so far! I am impressed with how you added the gif in the description so the reader could picture exactly what the characters looked like. I had no clue you could add stuff like that to the descriptions! I am definitely going to keep up with this story as you continue it.

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4 months ago Noceurx said:

Right away, there's a lot of suspense which was a great way to introduce this story! It keeps building up and I especially love the ending turned out. Emotional, and it definitely makes you wanting more.

Hmm...suggestions... You could consider rewriting or cutting out some imagery at the beginning. While it was a helpful component of the story, it sometimes felt awkward, lessening the intense mood.

Overall, there's certainly potential here and I wish you the best of luck in continuing it :)

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4 months ago Laura Jones said:

Great start. Looking forward to what else you have. Keep up the good work! Please feel free to check out my book. It's quite a bit longer, but it seems we are interested in the same genre. Thanks in advance, let me know when you have more up :)

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4 months ago Elizabeth A. Terry said:

This has so much potential and I'm dying to know more about this world. I've been desiring a good science fiction for so long I was afraid it would never come. So far, you seem to be delivering. I won't do a review at this time. When there's more to be seen, however, I'll gladly do one.

Reviews(13)

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4 months ago Kaylee Bowing said:

Back for another chapter for our swap!

Chapter 1

1. Ooh so this is when they're older! Awesome.

2. I really like your description of the club! I can imagine the situation and the people and what's happening and I really like that! I'm a bit confused about when the line where he says that he's never been to a club. Is he not in the club right then? And is that club not an actual club?

3. ...here?" He asked...

Lowercase h.

4. I really like all of the mystery in this, like how we don't know what they're talking about (such as the meetings) or really anything about them. It really makes me want to keep reading to find out more!

5. Although I guess I'd still kind of like to know what year this is. Because I kind of had a feeling it was in the future, but I'm not sure because some things feel kind of like they're from the present as well.

6. Ooh, testing? o.o Creepy.

7. Oh there's Black Coats and White Coats? What's the difference? I'm assuming you're going to explain at some point.

8. AW SNAP wait he told her to wake up? Are they dreaming right now? Or is this, like, some kind of hologram type thing?

9. Whoa, that's so cool and so weird. So it WAS kind of like a hologram? I'm assuming you're going to explain that in the next chapter or so too? And I like how Frankie threw in that they don't have them anymore. It kind of hints at what I was asking about earlier about the year and such. It definitely makes me think far in the future! But I like how, so far, you haven't made the futuristic part seem...overwhelming I guess, you know? The fact that they're in the future doesn't take over the story and that's really good! Because people tend to do that and it detracts from the plot, but you're really good at keeping it focused on Freddie and Frankie and what's going on!

I like their characters so far. They're not 100% distinct, but they're definitely distinct enough for the first chapter and I like that they already have different voices! I'm curious to find out more about these tests and the White and Black Coats!

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4 months ago Kaylee Bowing said:

Prologue

1. Across from her, on a pale blue sofa, was a young man...

You can get rid of those commas! The sentence will still have correct grammar, but a smoother feel.

2. I like how you don't really tell us what's going on. It makes me want to keep reading to find out about the White Coats and the tests and everything!

3. Oh okay, so there are still SUVs and stuff. That's nice to know. Is this the future? I think the description kind of made it sound like it was. How far in the future is it?

4. ...on her idea and he nodded...

Since you already say he earlier in the sentence, you can just say: ...on her idea and nodded...

5. ...before getting getting into the bath tub...

I think bathtub is one word, firstly, but I also think you accidentally said getting twice!

6. ...curtain to over himself...

Did you mean cover?

7. Aw snap, did they legit just kill his grandma? o.o Harsh.

8. Dang, the suspense! And unfortunately there's not another chapter yet for me to see what happens! D: At least, not yet. :3

Okay, so obviously it's a bit more difficult for me to get a general feel after just one chapter, especially of the characters, but I do like your writing style. It's not overly descriptive, which is nice because reading paragraphs and paragraphs of descriptions can get really tedious! But you describe enough that I can picture the scene and the characters and everything.

I'm really curious about how far in the future this is and why the White Coats want those children. o.o That's so freaky. In a good way. After reading the description I'm slightly confused, but maybe not as much as I think I am: so they want newborns to, like, keep the human race surviving despite the flare, correct? And so that's why the White Coats were coming for the twins, so that they could use them for that experiment?

I can't wait to get to the next chapters to find out what happens next! Plus then I can get fully introduced to the main characters! :D

Great job!