The Gift

The Gift

6 chapters / 27346 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

What would the world actually be like if superheroes exist? The Gift tells the story of a boy name Raito learning that he possesses something called a Gift and now wishes to become a superhero thanks to the new powers he has. However, he's not the only Gift that exist. Raito makes friends with another Gift known as Flight and makes enemies with a Gift named Time Keeper. Friends and foes all warn Raito that using his powers to act as a superhero will only get him killed. Raito must choose to either be the superhero he wants to be or take everyone's advice and abandon that dream.

Genres:

Fantasy, Novel, Drama

Comments(5)

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12 days ago Dani Scarlett said:

The story is really interesting and has a very creative concept! But I would have preferred for the story to unfold more naturally without the need for the backstories. For example, situations could have been made where the reader learns just a little bit about Raito each time, as opposed to having to explain. Also I think writing from Raito's perspective would have made me feel closer to him and like I was there growing with him throughout the story. A lot of the more technical stuff has already been brought up. Other than that, you have a really enjoyable story.

Jasper2

24 days ago Jasper Whalen said:

Second sentence is a fragment Third sentence is passive voice Fourth sentence is a fragment Lots of typos… All in all this reads like a first draft. Exclamation points are overused. You alternate between past and present tense. I’m sorry but I can’t read this when my immersion is constantly broken.

Jasper2

25 days ago Jasper Whalen said:

I'm writing a fantasy story that's a little shorter than yours. Want to swap reviews?

http://figment.com/books/1047851-The-Envoy-Accord

Coran

about 1 month ago CoranCoranTheGorgeousMan said:

After reading the book, I was amazed, and would love to see more by this author.

Reviews(19)

Excitedsun

8 days ago Mickey Mouse said:

In the first paragraph, it was difficult to tell when you were talking about Raito and when you were talking about the opponent.

You often have trouble staying in present tense during this piece. Also, dialogue tags like 'They shout' should be lowercase. Your paragraphs in the middle are a little long. You could use some grammar help..

You really had me going with the dream sequence. Raito seems like a sweet boy, although he's a little childish for his age. His loneliness is easy to sympathize with. I think most people know a guy like him in high school, the kid who's really into manga and drawing and Japanese culture. I'm very happy for him getting to have superpowers and make a friend.

I'm curious how Flight knows that there are exactly thirty Gifts when he hasn't even found them all. Perhaps they or their gifts were all together at one point and got scattered somehow. It's surprising that Flight doesn't want Raito to use his gift for fighting crime, and that Gifts routinely use their powers for material gain. Hopefully they'll all team up to fight Leech and Time Keeper though. It would be cool to see what all the different gifts are.

Tipsy

9 days ago Kathryn Pedroza said:

I find huge potential in your story, and I'm only on the first chapter! The concept is intriguing and I want to know more. I read a few of the other reviews and I don't want to sound repetitive because I can echo a few of their comments. The switching tenses,which can easily happen and super easy fixes. Also trying to show and not tell so much. This is I think one of the hardest things to do. We so badly want the readers to know understand the story in our head we just blurt it out. Reading is creating picture in the mind with words. Show an emotion, an action, a thought. Instead of "he started to feel terrified." Maybe "His hands began to tremble at the unknown origin of the voice." Or something to the like.

Also when you jumped to Leech I was a little confused, even using an indication you're switching POV is helpful *** or --- that break up the text. Even if it's new chapter.

A slow reveal can draw readers in more. Knowing his Gift so soon can take a little of the fun out of it, unless you have a larger purpose. I will keep reading to find out regardless. With all that said, I really look forward to reading more. You are only going to get better the more you write and read. Keep going because you have something here.