cat and dani

cat and dani

2 chapters / 1164 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Genres:

Writing, Romance, Novel

Comments(6)

Me

9 days ago Mari said:

Chapter 1: Wow that was a roller coaster, but in a good way. You managed to get information across about characters and the setting as well as throw us right into the action to keep us interested. I'm curious to see how Dani and Cat's interactions develop, now that they have the commonality of their cheating boyfriend between them.

One suggestion I would make is to take a bit more time describing the situation and setting and such - since the chapter is so short, you have the space to add a ton more information about the characters to develop them more. It'll make the shock at the end more powerful at the ending if we're more in tune to what's going on, but overall it was good so far!

Sunrise

12 days ago Sophia Edwards said:

Woah....that was definitely surprising. I learned so much about the characters - physically, emotionally, psychologically - in such a short amount of time. There is so much going on and it doesn't feel like an overload. I definitely like the way you write. your style kept me interested and wanting to no more. I wish there was more actually. I want to know more about Cat and Dani and see if they become friends with their mutual loathing of Bryce after finding out that he cheated. Or see what Bryce does. Great job!

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12 days ago wxnderlust said:

I definitely wasn't expecting that ending! You definitely left me curious to want to see more of what happens. I'm really hoping that the girls eventually come together and plot for revenge against that horrible Bryce haha.

Apart from a few punctuation errors, I didn't see much wrong with your story! Chapters are short and concise, descriptions were good, although I think a little more backstory would have been morr helpful, but maybe that's there later on. I guess I'll find out! Great work so far!

▷ wxnderlust

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12 days ago Michaela Mulgrew said:

Very well written. I would've liked a little more detail however. Overall good job though.

Reviews(5)

Pokemon

3 days ago A.R. KYRON said:

This is for our swap. I review as I read :) These are just personal opinions, don't take them too seriously.

Very first word. I guess it's better to write 'dani's POV' instead of just 'dani'. Just a minor issue :)

Contains enough details, I appreciate it.

There's a couple of lines:

I wanted to say no. In fact, the look in her eyes told me to say no.

I guess it'll sound better as : The look in her eyes told me to say no.

(I mean you can remove the first line to ensure a good flow)

Next line : She seemed dangerous.

Wait, you mentioned earlier that :She was cute, whoever she was.

The rest of the chapter seems to be fine :) It's pretty interesting.

***Chapter Two***

Nothing much is wrong with the chapter. But it seems to be a bit too straightforward. But you can easily make it sound better through a lil editing.

Nice job. I enjoyed the piece :) keep it up!

Scarlett_pro

9 days ago Scarlett rivers said:

That was good! I really liked. though one thing I would do is try to make the first chapter a little more detailed to bring people in. sadly now people do judge books by the cover so if they read the first chapter you want to have them interested enough to read the next chapter. second off I would show more of cat and Bryce's relationship and Dani/Bryce relationship. Other than that I didn't see much wrong with it. Good job! Keep up the good work.