The Time Is Only Temporary

The Time Is Only Temporary

6 chapters / 3646 words

Approximately 18 minutes to read

Description:

This world is full of amazing, beautiful, scary and dangerous things. Emma has never been in dangerous situations or actually been in a war. And what kind of dark secret is her mother hiding? How could possibly, she could be involved in this war?

Genres:

Action, Mystery

Comments(1)

Jasper2

3 months ago Jasper Whalen said:

Good opening

Third verse has unnecessary commas and doesn’t sound logical to me

Why is almost every sentence a new paragraph?

Lots of unnecessary commas and spelling errors.

A lot of this is telling, not showing.

Interesting story, but your way of telling it is amateurish at times (though not always).

If the hooded woman your protagonist talks to turns out to be a princess, shouldn’t the protagonist react somehow?

Consider reviewing a part of my fantasy story, The Envoy Accord.

Reviews(6)

5078cc37-abd1-49f3-8498-8a397149ffdf

4 months ago cress said:

hi there! This was an interesting spin on a classic trope. I like that instead of the "hero", the narrator is the one who is closed off, it's a good twist. It has great potential as a story and I will be keeping up with it! Just take care to make sure that every comma is needed. While reading I felt a bit bombarded with commas and pauses that interrupted the flow. Also, there were quite a few spelling errors as well. If you need a beta reader/proofreader/editor, I would be glad to help, just drop me a message on my wall and I'll give you my email!

Sarcasm quote

4 months ago Alexandra Turner said:

Hey, I really like the way you write. The tone and voice you use is something I love a lot and I would definitely keep that up. However, in that first chapter there was a lot of heavy back-story being dropped on us. I'd suggest littering short, snappy pieces of back-story throughout the book to make it easier to digest. The idea is very intriguing though. Also, I'd say that you need your first chapter to have a little more action in it. Maybe she encounters another bully as this inner monologue is happening? I'm not sure but either way well done. :)