Blue Sky Dream

Blue Sky Dream

2 chapters / 1764 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read


Nothing is ever so simple, and a series of events lead to another, as we explore the cause of death of a student.


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4 months ago Michael M. said:

I had a hard time with this. The plot is ok but the writing is not the greatest. I think you're having some trouble with verb tense and preposition usage. That's ok. Make sure you only change tenses where it is sensible, a quick proof read will help you with that. One example is the end of chapter 1's first paragraph. You switch from past to present. Then from "Rain was not an..." to "In fact, she's..." in the second paragraph. She's is a contraction that usually denotes she is rather than she was, so the reader thinks you've changed tense again. Just something to note and work on, otherwise it distracts. With the prepositions, one such example, also second paragraph, you write "in accordance to her mood" when I would think it'd be "in accordance with her mood". Don't know that's necessarily a grammatical thing, or just a style choice. Again the plot is ok but being as this is just the first chapter I can't speak to it much yet. Just work on your cohesion and grammar.