Prison

Prison

1 chapter / 136 words

Approximately less than a minute to read

Description:

Contest Entry

Genres:

Writing, Poetry

Comments(5)

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2 months ago M.E.M. said:

Really intense and dark. I love the detail you put into it

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3 months ago A.G. Wade said:

Yikes, that ending tho O_O Still, this was really good. There were a few awkwardly worded instances, but nothing that interrupted the flow of the poem too much.

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3 months ago Rose K said:

Yay!!! Sorry it took me SO LONG to be able to do it but yeah, happy belated review: Second stanza; "They can do nothing except, Tearing her soul apart. " Should Be: "They can do nothing except, Tear her soul apart."

Because 'Tearing' is in present tense while the rest is in past tense. ;)

There are a few other places where it seemed Kind of rocky, and a little uneven, but I thought the idea was really good and I loved the ending, wow. It was kind of amazing how you managed to make it Rhyme and yet still be so beautiful and meaningful. When I try to Rhyme it becomes; Bob is a cat, He has a hat, and a bat. Bob is dat fat cat. xD lol. ANYWAYS; I thought overall it was really beautiful, I'm sorry it was so late, school just started and it was really busy but, yeah. I have to go now. Bye!!!!!

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3 months ago Rave said:

Very nice! However, I do agree with Sophia Edwards about the first stanza. It would be better rewritten. I also think that expanding the poem a bit would help explain how that knife got in there.

Reviews(5)

Brown haired blue eyed

about 1 month ago LeChevalierRoland said:

OMG WHAT WHAT THE PRISON IS HER LIFE NOOOOOOOOOOO dude...like talk about killing my heart at the end. Wow. Just WOW!!! That was a really great way to end it. I think the last stanza was probably my favorite part.

Things to work on: In second stanza, “Tearing her soul apart” should be “Tear her soul apart”. In general, I thought the first stanza was kind of slow and not very eye-catching. I think that you could build more suspense and tension as you move towards the end. Perhaps, speeding up the pace or changing how you cut off your lines would do that. But that’s just a suggestion.

Overall, good job.

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2 months ago Kiamesha Denise Sims said:

I love how you explained her old life before she was kidnapped. The emotions were on point. I could actually see it in my head. I love how it was a poem of survival. I love how it tells a story. There are errors but they can easily be fixed.