Elphyra

Elphyra

9 chapters / 7568 words

Approximately 38 minutes to read

Description:

(WIP)
Fire and water don't mix. Elphyra and water are even worse....
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Tomika Brigaile is the sum of a sad, parted family. Tomika never felt needed or special until something horrifying happens to her, but it didn't happen just yet....maybe later, though?
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"Wow, I felt like my heart was ripped out by the end of the book. NEVER gets old." --K.Caitlen.R
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*(adding a new chapter every other day! stayed tuned!)*

Comments(2)

Trin_aster_pro

3 months ago Trin Aster said:

Oohhh I read the next chapter you posted, and I still find it really interesting. However a little suggestion, on the chapter in italics, (the first one) how about splitting it into two or three different paragraphs, it'll just make it easier to read and not seem so large. Up to you tho.

Trin_aster_pro

3 months ago Trin Aster said:

Oohhhh nice beginning, I'm excited to see where this goes. It's very creepy and quite suspenseful!! Curious to see where this goes.

Reviews(9)

Bw icon

12 days ago Noceurx said:

OVERDUE MINI REVIEW FOR ELPHYRA :'D

Suggestions are merely suggestions so don't feel obliged to listen :) Any corrections made will be shown in brackets.

While I do prefer to give what I get, I do also like to give at least one critique per chapter so I'll be trying my best here as well ^^

I

The thing I like best about this chapter is the vivid detail. It makes things very easy to visualize, something that is very important in the genre you are writing. I also find it to be a very good way to introduce your story; you set a mood for it and create a high-energy scene to introduce concepts. Beginnings are important because they affect the level of impact from future chapters so I don't think you have to worry much about this at all! I think you should break it up into paragraphs though so that it can be easier to read and have a better flow :3

II

Gosh, all these names are so unique...one of my weaknesses xD I love them! The thing that stands out most here is without a doubt the characterization. You can get a feel for characters almost immediately after they are mentioned. I personally enjoy because it goes well with the story's quick pace. I also thought the way you chose to end was good since it leaves readers with multiple questions. There some minor grammatical errors here and here, but they're nothing you can't go back to and correct on your own~.

OVERALL: So far, this seems to be a rather unique idea. I want to know more about what/who Elphyra is and the writing has little error, making it easier to focus solely on the plot. Your story has a lot of potential and I wish you the best of luck in continuing it

2017-08-06

2 months ago BeautifulCreature said:

*wiggles eyebrows* Ok, so, I've already read this. So, here's my thoughts. Well....I can't find anything wrong with it. I really enjoyed it. But, it gets a bit hard to follow. Even a stalker could get a bit confused. But I just think it's me, or not. I don't know. Either way, it's fine. It flowed, like a creek, (I'm sorry...I'm being cringey) I like the over all feel. But I do have one question. Is Elphyra a demon, and if so what is it with her blood? She didn't want to bleed. Is it because of energy depletion or something else? Also, is she that type of character that has feelings and hurts others from the pain she was hurt by? Or is it her personality. It's a pretty cool plot, but I'm confused. It went to a Tomika in a classroom to her with her mom, who she doesn't what to be with. Is she experiencing a flashback? Or is this a different POV? I mean, either way it's good. I can't really say I found anything wrong with it, but it did take me by surprise on the last chapter. ~"What...I...wow. O..ok then."~(My reaction). Overall it was really good, though it might need some help with the flow and over all thoughts. Keep at it! - Beauti