With me, with you

With me, with you

2 chapters / 361 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


|A story told in a simple poetry form.|
(It's all still a working-process so please bare with me ^v^')


Fox ash

2 months ago That one creepy crazy fangirl said:

Love it, girl! As always, amazing. and I'm using Cow as an insult now.... XD


3 months ago Sophia Edwards said:

So this was definitely interesting. I see the connection between the chapters because of Felix, but honestly they could be totally different pieces. The tones were different. The first one seemed to delicate, whereas the second one seemed more mundane and conversational. The last stanza of the first one seemed out of place. Also, you don't need to capitalize the things. I get it's for emphasis, but it takes away from strength of your writing. I think poetry is really hard and the fact that you made it captivating and interesting is amazing. Keep working!



about 1 month ago conlin.r said:

Hey! I'm very sorry I haven't been able to do my part of the swap in a long time. (School, it's terrible). But I will always complete my part of the swap. I wouldn't want someone to forget to do mine, lol!

First things first, I'm not a critiquer. I really only congratulate you, unless your work is like, needing critiqued. But from what I read, you really don't need critiquing. It's very beautifully written.

Next, I want to jump right into the review. I enjoy poems, (one of my best friends is poet) so I really think this was cute. And the thing I think is most cool, you made the internal rhymes tell a story without flat out telling the story. That's a definite struggle for me, so I was really impressed with it! Good job!

All in all, I really enjoyed this poem! It was great! I'm very happy for you! Sorry this took so long, but good job! Keep up the great, amazing work!



3 months ago Paige Johnson said:

Interesting subject, natural rhymes. The last two lines are drastically out of place though. No need for all those caps and question/exclamation points. we know it must be sad and frustrating. The cow thing seems a bit too silly and mean though. Capitalize bing. "guys" sounds too colloquial as well, though I like the bit about ties. Comma before huh. Very cute yet sad second part. What is results day and how is she related to the sewing boy though I wonder. Why did she deserve his dress?