Sweet as Candy

Sweet as Candy

23 chapters / 7180 words

Approximately 36 minutes to read

Description:

Candace Noble was taken away from her mother at the age of five. After a public display of child abuse, Candace was placed in the care of her doting aunt, never having any significant contact with her birth parents afterwards. Now, as a teenager, Candace is confident that she isn't anything like her mom, -- that is, until she finds out she's pregnant. Fearing the vicious cycle of abuse, she wonders what she should do and who she should turn to. However, all cycles have an end. The question is: who can break them?

Cover by Naomi Folettia

Genres:

Drama, Novel, Poetry

Comments(3)

Excitedsun

6 days ago Mickey Mouse said:

Candace seems like a pretty passive person. She doesn't like Todd, but he's better than nothing, so she lets him have sex with her. It's not clear if she's really into the sex or if she's just bored and likes the attention, or if she's only doing it because she resents not being allowed to. It's also not clear if she used protection (after Izzy specifically told her to!) or if it failed, but it seems like she may have just not felt like fighting Todd to get him to use a condom, thinking for some reason that she'd just get lucky and not get pregnant. She has no particular career aspirations. She sneaks around rather than deal with confrontation from Izzy. So in all areas of her life that we see, she fails to stand up and go after what she really wants.

I hope she gives her baby (or babies) up for adoption, because she seems more like an immature girl than a confident woman ready for motherhood. I don't necessarily think she'd be abusive like her birth mother, just not very good. Also, as I think she realized in chapter 23, she'd still have to see Todd if she kept the baby, which would get old because he doesn't seem to have any redeeming qualities either. Honestly I think Izzy and Alex are the best characters in this story. I think if Candace tells them what happened, they'll be somewhat understanding.

This thingy

16 days ago bri m.c. said:

I read "Wonder"

let me just say, I was reading more for the meaning then for the mistakes. Normally I would just stare at it and scribble down all grammatical errors... of course, after i had read it the first time . but this time i read it twice and didnt even notice any errors? I was too intrigued by it. It really hit me hard because as a child i wasnt abused, persay, just.. neglected by my mother and she had me young. AND, although I am not pregnant atm, i get a lot of "Youre just like your mother" and "You're going to end up just like her!" I want to read more but i dont feel so well lol. i relate to her so well. It was a little cheesy, just a tad, but I adore it. Keep plugging along!

Img_5799

21 days ago Colette [Rook] said:

So far, I've only read the first poem, but that was amazing!

Reviews(6)

Bw icon

2 days ago Noceurx said:

LONG OVERDUE MINI REVIEW FOR SWEET AS CANDY

Suggestions are merely suggestions so don't feel obliged to listen :) Any corrections made will be shown in brackets.

WONDER

Using repetition was a really effective technique for getting your message across. You did a great job of building up the suspense and then giving us that intriguing and emotional ending. I wonder if these are the questions we should think about as we read. I imagine that they lay out the theme of this story.

-I'm thinking you could perhaps try to vary the emotions a little more. Right now, I feel like there's only one.

CANDY

So far, the pace of your story seems to be going well. First an overview and now a deeper look into the MC. I think your use of strong poetic vocab really helps in setting the mood. I noticed that you're really good at creating suspense and it's great for encouraging readers to continue~.

-I feel that parts of this chapter are unnecessarily lengthy or redundant. Only some though, and I understand you might want to be as descriptive as possible. Take it as you'd like, of course :)

DISASTER

Well, first of all...daaang that ending. This is one is 100% guaranteed to keep us reading. I think out of all the chapters I've read so far, this one is my favorite. It executes the child's thoughts perfectly with meaningful narration. The repetition of "right?" really makes us empathize. We know the reality to come, but we are helpless to change anything. No critiques here ^0^

OVERALL: Sorry it took me so long to get to it and sorry again if anything offended you ;-; It was not my intention. Even though I found it the teeniest bit bland at first, it grew into something with huge potential, and very quickly at that. Keep on writing! I'm sure you will develop it into a great story!

Kelsey chow

3 days ago Nocturne said:

I know I said I’d definitely give a review yesterday but something came up. But I’m here now!

I’ll review as I read, and remember that you don’t have to heed all of my feedback, especially since poetry is not my strong suit. I won’t focus on grammar or spelling, just general comments.

Wonder

“Was I the shadow of my father’s phantom / Mirroring his betrayal” - so after reading this and knowing she referred to him as a “ghost,” I’m thinking he never took responsibility for her and eventually died?

“The woman who let death tear her away from her child” - I’m guessing suicide

“Does she wish she could talk to me? / Does she love me?” - both questions are kinda similar… in context using just one of them works

So this poem seemed to function as a prologue and it was just present-Candace wondering and wondering about her past. And personally, it didn’t draw me in enough to keep reading. There isn’t much in the poem to make me want to continue. What’s the conflict exactly? Because all I got was wonderment about the speaker’s past, primarily her mom, but...what about this speaker and what she’s going through now should make me care about her past? Will she actively look for her mom for these answers? Has she finally met her now? And even having read the summary, yes I do know Candace gets pregnant in a similar way too, but then that makes me think we already have an idea of what will happen, so why should we still follow this character down the same predestined road? And please know that I’m not trying to be mean, just honest. The main idea is great, it’s just that I have a few issues with the first chapter.

Candy

“To contradict those traits” - at first I thought this meant mom wanted Candace to literally contradict/challenge the perseverance trait, but then I reread it again and figured you mean mom wanted her to have BOTH perseverance and selflessness which are contradictory things. Maybe say something like “yet with those traits”

“That are clouded over by my lack of memory from that time” - feels awkward to read, maybe delete “over”; I think it would still convey the same message

Near the end of the poem got a bit confusing for me. So Candace said she doesn’t remember some events with her mom happening in a year or two, but then says she’d stayed the same little girl. I feel like a child would get shocked that, after many years of being treated like the best girl in the world, one day her mom just hit her in public. If you’re going for Candace to have always been the same little girl because mom ALWAYS hit her and the speaker is untrustworthy/oblivious to some parts of the past, then I think my confusion is from Candace’s “memory” about her mom changing within a year or two. Maybe just have her say something along the lines of, “one day my mom completely changed, and that’s all that I remember”

Disaster

She has such a positive view of Mommies and Daddies giving lots of love, but didn’t she ever think about how her own dad left the family? So wouldn’t she at least say “well, not all daddies”? Cuz her dad definitely didn’t love or protect her…. Or did mom give her some fake story about how he loved his daughter but then he died in a tragic accident? And mom just wanted to protect her daughter from the harsh reality of their situation? If that’s the case then you could actually benefit from adding that kind of info in this chapter! It would give more insight into how she views her dad, because what she’s thinking now about moms and dads in this chapter feels a BIT far-fetched.

Today

I don’t really have much to say about this chapter. Izzy seems to be a lot better than the real mom, and it’s totally realistic and understandable for Candace to never call Izzy “mom.” Maybe she will later? I hope so

Romance

Oh okay, so mom did in fact say a few nice things about dad. But still, you could benefit from adding this to the young Candace chapters, as well as more info like the fake story I suggested.

Haha, something tells me she’ll eventually fall for Todd. I mean yeah, she appears to not believe in love, but what if Todd actually does make her believe in it and then bam, disappointment? And then that would make her even more bitter about love with the personal experience to back it up

Home

For some of the dialogue I can’t really tell who’s speaking. Maybe add dialogue tags after the lone sentences

She’s calling her real mom by her first name?? Harsh…

Aw he’s blushing. He’s really into her, huh?

I like how you ended this poem. :)

Breakfast

Aww, I enjoyed reading this one. It was lovely seeing the relationship between Candace and Izzy. And I love all the details, they made the story feel more real and not as generic and vague as the beginning.

Always

Overall, very insightful about the word “always.” By the way, something tells me Izzy and Alex won’t *always* love each other, which would actually suck because Izzy seems pretty happy with him.

Belonging

Silly Bands haha I remember those

I found the last 3 lines quite profound. I guess they best exemplified how she’s viewed herself her whole life.

Careful

Haha Candace you should probably break up with him then. You haven’t seemed to care about his feelings...

“zitty Romeo” - lol

“Can’t have my caregiver / Dropping dead in the middle of the living room” - yikes...does Izzy mean nothing to her?

Just Wait

“I’m not quite sure I have to worry about the latter, though” - HA because you care about what Izzy thinks dumbo.

“Though I hardly believe the secret to true love / is held within some supermarket botanicals” - hahaha so true

Freedom… well, I guess on one hand I’d be glad for Candace when she makes her own choices, but on the other I just have such a bad feeling about it. Maybe because I know her “choice” at this point won’t change and she essentially goes down the same exact road her mom took. *rolls eyes*

Freedom

“Still too young and inexperienced to make that call” - Ha you’ll still be too young and inexperienced when you actually do

Reckless

I don’t really have much to say other than that, sooner or later, she’s gonna get pregnant. *rolls eyes*

And I guess I’ll take this time now to say that the middle of your book is definitely a lot more interesting than the beginning. I think it’s thanks to the details that make the story feel more real and relatable, and seeing how Candace grows up and develops over time has been interesting. Maybe I’ll give a more insightful comment about her later lol

Escape

I guess nothing much different happened in this chapter. No comment.

Late

Yep, pregnant.

“I’ve always vowed not to let history repeat itself.” - Uhhh. Have you really, Candace? I mean, while she did say she disliked her birth mother, I haven’t really seen her actively defying her destiny of following her mom’s footsteps. For the most part she’s been defying IZZY, and she was even aware that she was being as careless as her birth mother. So I find this sentence a bit contradictory in context to the story...

Worry

Girl just accept it. You got prego

Uh oh, I wonder how Izzy will find out

Nightmare

Oh man if she does get twins, that would just…

Aw, well it’s just a dream. I have a feeling, if Candace keeps the baby/babies, she’d try to not be abusive like her own mom was. But who knows, destiny has been controlling her life so, maybe she really is her mom

Clarity

Haha are you sure you’re making the cashier not look at the items AT ALL? He’d at least search for where to scan the items. And even then, usually (at least in my experience) cashiers wouldn’t say anything. They’ve probably seen much weirder combinations of items bought or something

So I see that he finally does look down. Does she see his expression changing? Or is she so embarrassed that she never looks at him ever again as she gives him the cash? Adding this detail would help give us a clearer picture of what Candace is thinking and feeling in this situation

Certainty

And I’m not even surprised lol

Positive

So it seems she was referring to herself when she asked if her mom threw the test into the trash. But the most important question is, are they twins??

Forgotten

Plot twist, what if Candace has her happy ending with the cashier?? Haha that would actually be great

Not gonna lie, I’m shipping them from now on.

Pft. He probably still remembers seeing the test anyway. From how you wrote that moment back then he definitely saw the test. Also I’m still shipping them

Gone

“Showing no signs of missing his sister / Or resenting his mother” - ???? I find this hard to believe, unless dream-Candace has been abusive to the kids since the beginning. Or maybe the dream reflects how Candace has felt her mom treated her, when in her spotty memory she out of nowhere hit her in public but forgave her soon after?

Ouch at the red cheek. What about the lip? I remember it bleeding from a cut

Aw, that’s a really sad image. She was taken away from her real mom yes and has no memory of her dad, but she would still have Izzy and Alex. And like I said before I don’t think Candace would get abusive enough to have any of the kids taken away from her.

So, I know this review had gotten off to a rocky start, but I think it was just the first chapter that threw me off. I know I elaborated on that enough, so I won’t talk about that anymore. But I will reiterate that the story got a tad more interesting for me in the middle chapters as we followed Candace’s path and saw some details that gave this generic and a bit cliche idea we’re given at the start more unique qualities.

And while the progression of the plot did interest me most of the time, Candace hasn’t really interested me that much. Don’t get me wrong, you can keep her as is. I just think you could benefit from giving more of Candace’s feelings and reactions toward things. I mean, while I may not relate to someone like her, I still need to have a feelings/motives-based reason why I should keep following her story. Sure her personality seems to be dependent on other people’s expectations like what another reader said, but you could try actively showing that more through her feelings and thoughts, like perhaps about everyone’s expectations of her. Right now she kind of seems like a robot going through the motions.

And on the topic of her tendency to rebel, she’s not really against her birth mother THAT much. Just Izzy, who Candace thought was definitely much better. And yes, Candace once did say she didn’t see her as an official mother figure, but soon after that she was calling her birth mom by her first name too, so neither woman is mom to her. So if Candace is supposedly rebellious and immature, wouldn’t she actively avoid being like BOTH of them? I guess I’m making this point because of that one far-fetched sentence she said about “trying to not repeat [her mom’s] history,” when she hasn’t even been TRYING to do anything about it, let alone THINK about it?

And I do wish you’d delve into Candace’s rebellious thoughts about Izzy, because most of the time I didn’t really know why she wanted to rebel against her. And she even started the story by saying, “oh i was made to follow my birth mother,” so wouldn’t she possibly try to be more like Izzy? And there were many times when you showed they have such a nice relationship, and there’s that one time she seemed to care about what Izzy thought, so I got confused as to why Candace would even rebel against her in the first place. And this goes back to my suggestion about delving into Candace’s thoughts and feelings, i.e., throughout the story make Candace think “Izzy isn’t my real mom, she can’t mold me into something she wants, she doesn’t know what I’m capable of, etc.”

Please know that I’m not trying to rip apart your book because overall it’s still very well-written and I really like how the plot is turning out so far! Your experience as a writer showed, and you made the format of the book fit really well with the story. But I haven’t read a lot of free verse stories so you don’t need to take my feedback seriously, but for me you maintained a strong flow throughout the entire piece and altogether it worked!

On the topic of the fate of her baby/babies, well, with her supposed mindset of rebelling against her birth mom, I think she’ll either abort or put them in foster care. Or maybe during her decision-making something major happens to her, i.e., she might meet her birth mother and have all her questions answered. Maybe she’ll mature to the point of learning where her true fate and that of her offspring lie!

Great job and keep writing!