Excetera: Fourth Wall

Excetera: Fourth Wall

4 chapters / 4943 words

Approximately 25 minutes to read


This is a story I started working on awhile back that I left in favor of my other story, heh... I would love to return to the idea one day. One day when I have time. *snort* Also, I had no time to write a blurb so here's a bleh one XD


What happens when a secondary character had to play the hero? When the Main Character is unable to fulfill her role as main character?

After a mysterious and rather disturbing chain of events, Kimi Suko realizes she is a book character - not just any book character, but the SECONDARY character. Yeah, that kinda sucks. Anyhoo, she eventually finds a way to hop between books and genres, realizing that there are so many worlds outside of her own Dystopian, steampunk novel.

Steampunk, fantasy, high school romance, comedy, (etc)... there isn't a genre she isn't capable of visiting.


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about 1 month ago Mina Autumn said:

Also, I forgot to put this earlier, but sorry, if I sound picky in my review. I want to make sure that your swap is worth your time, so I'm a bit nit-picky. I forgot to state that in the beginning of my review so I'm commenting it now. I basically wrote down every thought I had about so that I could help your book. You probably don't even care that I didn't say this, but it's been bothering me that I haven't said it so... I'm just gonna leave this comment here. Thanks and have a lovely day :)

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2 months ago Mina Autumn said:

I accidentally merged chapter two and three in the review. Sorry.

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3 months ago Coral Vaci said:

This is really cool and I love the humor too! I love how you show that there was an original Kimi too. I would love to read more! :D


3 months ago A.R. KYRON said:

You should definitely continue it! I read the first chapter only, it's pretty good :) The descriptions are awesome, you described every lil thing. It deserves much appreciation. I got a bit confused at times but still I won't say that it's a mess. IT IS NOT A MESS AND YOU DID A GOOD JOB.

Keep it up!


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2 months ago Mina Autumn said:

Chapter One Love the opening quote

fun-sized? Does that mean small, as a reference to the candy sizes?

coco-shroom? I'm curious... Tell me more...

"Skidding a bit as her steel-toed boots lost traction on minute rubble strewn across what is left of the street." This is a bit of a confusing sentence. I'd recommend rewording it.

cerulean blue is a bit redundant. I would take out blue after it.

Kimi is a dislikeable character, as she is annoying to me. That may be your goal or not, but I thought I'd say it anyways.

"it's nice to know I'm worth something at least" needs to not be in it's own paragraph unless Cara is saying it.

"c-can I bring you back something," also needs to be in the paragraph above unless someone else is saying it.

Chapter two Technically in Japanese "baka" in it's plural form would still be "baka" not "bakas". Just a helpful Japanese tip from a Japanese speaker.

Ummm, why did Kimi just think about overdosing on radioresistant drugs? It was kind of random. If you're just trying to let the reader know that it lasts seven hours, I recommend mentioning it in chapter one, when they're first injecting it into their bodies.

Oh, someone screamed? I thought someone was shouting "Yo" for a long time. You know like, "Yo, man wassup."

The paragraph when Kennedy is explaining everything has a confusing ending. I would recommend mentioning that Kimi hit her before she says "stop that". I think it'll make the read smoother.

Chapter Four

Again with the paragraph thing. "You can tell that to Cara now..." doesn't need to be it's own paragraph. It's very confusing to the reader as to who is speaking.

Same with the paragraph following it. It's really confusing. Also I don't understand. You say that she is black, but earlier she was described as Asian. Is she both?

Okay now I'm just repeating myself, but I'm still gonna say it. If. A. Character. Is. Still. Talking. Don't. Give. The. Next. Sentence. It's. Own. Paragraph. It's soooo confusing to tell who is talking. "You would believe me..." needs to be moved to the previous paragraph.

I couldn't tell who said "Take this." Until Kimi dropped the thing. You can keep it in it's own paragraph, but you really need to specify who's saying it.

Overall: I really like the chapter titles, and the originality of this book. I'm neutral on liking it or disliking it, because I like the plot and I like the story, but the whole paragraph thing just kept confusing me on who's talking, making it difficult for me to read. Also sorry, it took so long to get this done. I've been busy with school. Anyways, don't take my critique the wrong way. I do see potential in this story and I wanted to help you make it better, by giving my input. Thank you for swapping with me and have a lovely day :)


3 months ago WingsofAnEagle said:

ADDITIONAL NOTE: I love the unexpected twist in chapter three and four x) It really caught me by surprise and made me love this all the more x)