Innocent Minds

Innocent Minds

2 chapters / 1709 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read

Description:

(Another WIP) After the death of his daughter, a man takes matters into his own hands to track down her killers and avenge her death.

Genres:

Writing, Thriller

Comments(15)

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29 days ago moffitt said:

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29 days ago moffitt said:

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Reviews(6)

19985047_332663647168269_8247203524698439680_n (2)

3 months ago Carson Sandell said:

I just want to say one word, amazing. the descriptions were vivid and felt as if I was Jay. I usually don't cry when reading stories, but this one hit close to home and didn't expect it. There are a couple suggestions I have,

All writers hear them, show don't tell. That is what drags most writers down and with time can be corrected. There also were some sentence fragments, but other than those two the story is great. I am excited to see whether or not you choose to continue with it.

Thank you for reviewing my story. :)

Images (4)

3 months ago Reiga said:

Man your story is great^^ I like the way you vividly describe the way Jay is feeling its cool. There is only a few things I'd like to point out and of course both are my opinions so feel free to discard or whatever XD

1)The first one would be when u called his eyes his hues: hues refers to color. Or if u knew that and still worded it the way u did it through me off lol but that's fine like I said my opinion^^

2)When u wrote Jay talking to his (guessing its a dude by name, doesn't clarify) neighbor u described what he was doing then put what he said in the next paragraph. That confused me. I thought the neighbor was still speaking. :)

3)If u could make your chapters longer that would be great^^ Like merge ch. 2 and ch. 3 then make a new long chapter three. I like books with decent sized chapters like your ch. 1^^

Overall:Well that's all I have to say^^ I liked your book and will be waiting for more^^ I'm not sure where the plot is going exactly but that makes it all the more interesting^^ hopefully I'll see more updates soon :D