Cafe De Love

Cafe De Love

1 chapter / 701 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read




No room for mushrooms

3 months ago NoRoomForMushrooms said:

This is such a sweet and simple story. The rhythm flows nicely and it almost reads like a long poem. There were a few sentences with mildly uncomfortably syntax, but not enough to distract from the story.

My only suggestions would be in regards to the end:

a) You switch from "you" to "he" when talking about the subject. (i.e. he chokes up) I would keep consistent and switch that to you.

b) "he chokes up , knowing ..."

c) There is an extra quotation mark after your third from last sentence.

Great story, overall. I look forwards to seeing your other work!!



3 months ago Christian Chafino said:

I don't really have a critique for you. It a really sweet and a nicely paced short story. You did a good job describing that moment when you feel like a person likes you and how it feels trying to get that first date. I liked the subtly description of how she wasn't smiling the next time he saw her and the reason why. Sad but cute ending



3 months ago L U N A said:

I love the simplicity of this story. It conveys the main character's personality and emotions quite nicely. I also like how you wrote the story in 2nd p.o.v. which his different from most of the other books on Figment. A couple of things I would work on are:

In one of the last paragraphs, you said, "But you saved my.." You put a long line of dashes when all you needed was one dash and then quotation marks.

Overall, I liked the story, and I hope you continue writing more like it. :)

Capture logu nice

3 months ago Alexander said:

Good Gives me the sense that i was actually there