Pounds of Pressure

Pounds of Pressure

1 chapter / 332 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

Just a couple pounds of pressure, that's all it takes.

*Cover by the One and Only

Comments(3)

20150919_192006

11 days ago John Collins said:

That was twisted. Needs a little something more, but pretty good.

Headphones

17 days ago Christian Chafino said:

Very interesting story and something I wasn't expecting. At first I thought it was a sex scene but then the choking happened. It would have been a interesting twist if he planned on killing the girl.

15099335_1119937168121869_1479035339145216000_n

18 days ago Dustin said:

Incredibly original piece, so much so that I have very little to even compare it to. Overall, you can really feel the emotions on both sides, and accomplishing this is rather remarkable. Excellent work!

Reviews(2)

Img_3809

13 days ago houli said:

Overall, beautiful polished writing.

I would suggest adding a bit of setting info - okay, they're in the living room, but on the couch? The floor? Names - not neccessary, and in fact I rather like that they are nameless. I wouldn't mind having a bit more physical appearance information though. I think giving sharp, precise details will really bring this already pretty vivid piece into better focus.

The message isn't quite clear in this piece. The reader is left wondering what this piece is really about - a couple who likes rough sex, or is it a stab at relationship abuse? I think if you made that intention just a little clearer, this could be very impactful. Be careful not to overdo it though - there's a very fine line between a strong message and a lengthy sermon.

Well done! Thanks for the swap! :)

Download

17 days ago Strider said:

First off, I did not notice any grammatical errors. Secondly, I, personally, found it hard to figure out what exactly was going on, but thankfully, my sister was here to help elaborate for me. The scene you created in 'his living room' as kind of confusing at first (I also thought it was a sex scene) but then towards the end, he seemed to have a desire to kill her. It left me asking myself, 'Was that really a sex scene?' Nice twist. Are you going to add more to this?