The Art of the Deranged Deviant

The Art of the Deranged Deviant

1 chapter / 5847 words

Approximately 29 minutes to read

Description:

Paintings come alive due to a grandma's tantalizing hobby.

Comments(1)

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2 months ago Loralie Wilcot said:

Im writing a comment because I don't believe I have enough to say for a review.

To start with a compliment, I will say that with your descriptive words it had me reading to the very end and I have to admit that I did not see the story leading to its ending.

The idea of a paint brush that can trap people on canvas is intriguing and opens the door for a very horrific genre. I love it.

As for a critical review, I only saw the occasional grammar error but I don't know whether be it intentionally.

*In the beginning, there is the sentence "She has no emotion" in my head it would read better as "She has no emotions," but like I said it could be intentional. * Following after at the fourth chapter, the sentence is "Her home is at my home," but I think it would read better as "Her home is my home,"

Throughout the whole story, there is a lot of i instead of I and lower case where there should be the upper case but that is such a small issue that everyone does that.

Taking all into consideration and ignoring the minor errors that story itself, is very descriptive and I found it hard to look away.

Thank you for writing such a piece. I enjoyed reading it.

Reviews(2)

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2 months ago K.G. said:

Okay, I am going to start with the spelling and grammar, and then I will go into some of the other things.

Whenever a new presence walks by, her eyes latch onto them.

She told me that when I turn 16..

Why sixteen?

Who is this woman, where is my grandma, and why does her voice sound so familiar?

"Oh lovely, I'll get started on that right away."

She didn't reply.

I carefully watch her every move towards the living room, as I being tapping my fingers on the cup, squinting as I observe her.

She fills with enchantment at the sound of the birds chirping...

"Am I going crazy?"

"till I see the light glinting off of the floor as if nothing happened."

It is the key to my happiness.

Whatever happened to the promise you made me?

"Why would there be a problem?"

"Are you alright?"

"Did I say you could leave your room?"

"Okay then why are you out here?"

"Who said there was turkey for you?"

"So my grandma dug you up and painted you while you were dead?"

"That's fucking disgusting!"

"And that is why you can leave the paintings? Because you were already dead?"

"Okay, well why hasn't she come after me yet?"

"Am I wrong?"

"Says what?"

You really need to read through your own work and go over the grammar of everything. A lot of spots, as you can see, need to have question marks at the end or so other sort of punctuation. You need to watch for that. There are a few spots that seem to leap from one thing to other and that forces me to get lost and confused. She seems to go through some sort of vortex thing or something when she goes behind the armoire the first time, and I don't fully understand that entire scene either. It doesn't make sense that she is telling Minnie she loves her, or vice versa. You also have an awkward way of transitioning which also makes it hard to read. You also need to go through and make you sure you are fully explaining everything. There are quite a few spots that I got lost. Overall though you did a solid job and I absolutely love the plot of the story. Keep up the good work, just try to focus on some of the smaller things now that you got the main subject of the story out.

Me silly hat

2 months ago Hannah Rose said:

The beginning is so intriguing and perfect in setting the tone of the story. The only critique I have for this part of the story is stating "her home is at my grandmothers house" which made me think this character doesn't live with her grandmother, but we find out later she does.

You carry a dreamy yet tense tone throughout the whole story. I particularly like how this tone comes through in the scene where Emily and the mysterious woman are drinking tea. My critique on this part of the story is that it is never explained who this women is. If she is a painting, it is never explained how she came to life when it was not midnight. Along with this point is that you also never find out why the painting told her she would find out everything when she was sixteen. What was special about sixteen? Why did she have to wait?

I like the suspense you build in the basement. The idea of a forbidden area along with mysterious sounds set a very suspenseful tone. I will say the lack of description makes the basement scenes a bit confusing. What exactly is the set up of the basement? We find out there is a painting behind a curtain, a table, boxes, and an armoire, but these things were never established so their sudden appearance becomes confusing. The reader cannot put an image together in their head without it constantly changing with the appearance of new surroundings.

I like the way the story flows when Emily is waiting to go to the basement at midnight. It shows that you took your time in writing about these crucial moments before midnight. When Emily goes down to the basement the second time, I am slightly confused by her time in the secret room. I think this may come from a lack of clear description for the rooms contents.

The ending is perfect. It does a good job of reflecting the setting of the beginning of the story.

All in all, I think you have done a great job at showing suspense, but I would work on your description in order to clear up some confusing aspects about the story. Well done!