Him

Him

1 chapter / 654 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

Contains understood violence (not shown)

Genres:

Writing

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Reviews(4)

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9 days ago Ashley Randall said:

Alright so anyone who owns a creepy and raggedy barn is a serial killer, that's just out it goes. Overall, I thought your story was great. The comparison to how his hands were clammy in public, and then as he got home they ceased to be so. It adds a weird creepy effect to the story because it shows how comfortable the man is in killing woman. Idk if that was intentional but I found it neat! Other great details you have include, “The tequila running through my veins hinders my accuracy and aim” and “With every step I take, a long, drawn out creak comes from the staircase, as if it were moaning in pain.” I love the tequila line bc it rhymes, and kind of hints at something not being right at the start, and the staircase line is just incredible. You personify the stairs as somewhat of a bystander or even a victim in all the chaos. You use words like “moan” or “groan” to describe a lot of the features of the barn and I love bc it shows the building’s age, and shows how the girl’s must have felt as the man hurt, and eventually killed them. You also repeat the word “drip” which can let me hear and see the blood in my head, along with her fear bc she’s so focused on this one detail. A question I have would be why she’s crying as they first step inside the barn? I didn’t quite understand this part, whether that’s from my lack of experience with what alcohol does or a deeper meaning I didn’t catch. Also nice title, short, simple, and caught my eye. So, yea, awesome story! Bummed that this week’s prompt was so short bc I would’ve love to have seen more. Ngl, your writing style is super fun to read.

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9 days ago Aaron Evans said:

Because Aaron is an idiot, please ignore the other comment that appears to come from yourself. Now on to the review !

Holy crap dude. This was fantastic. The main thing I enjoyed about this story is that it's written almost like a movie, so you can watch it in your head as you read it. The detail given is really given well and helps set the scene and helps figure out what exactly is happening.

The plot twist was really really clever. I thought he was going to propose to her when he gets down on a knee in the barn, especially with her reaction. Then he leads her to the basement of the barn and I was just like ...dang... It's done really well.