1 chapter / 352 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


So I don't know how good these concrete details or whatever are, but I tried I guess?

(And that is not a typo in the title)
(Get it?)
(Because enlightening)
(And lightning)
(Get it????)




There aren't any comments just yet. You should be the first to .



8 days ago Dylan Young said:

Okay one thing I want to say just based off of opening the story is a wall of words like that can often intimidate a reader, but you could argue symbolically you were trying to make it like a field which could work, but if that’s not what you’re going for just a suggestion. I’m at the point of the second thunder clap when he losses his serenity and let me just say this is a roller coaster, so many tonal shifts, up and down. I really like it. So I am assuming he got struck by lightning which I think is an interesting twist, and one I wasn’t expecting to happen, but one suggestion I would make would maybe be foreshadow it a bit more, really the only possible foreshadowing I see is the mention of thunder previously. I think you have some very beautiful description in this story, and I like how you start off with these long elegant sentences to the end where you continuously get shorter and we have these few word sentences with lots of periods. I think this was a really good story, but I think you should find a way to give it some meaning by expending it possibly.


8 days ago Shayla Williams said:

Love this story! I felt like I was really there. So much description used. Helping me paint a vivid picture of what was going on. There weren't any grammatical error I felt needed to be changed. A very good written story in my opinion.