I Swear I Loved You

I Swear I Loved You

8 chapters / 9821 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

Mia Williams is completely in love with David Brookes, and knows they're the perfect match. Mia loves tennis and lacrosse, David loves polo, they're both rich and classy, and they love each other. But when Mia meets Dylan, who's rich, but doesn't show it and is completely the opposite of David, she knows she loves him even more, and she cannot help it. She wants to love David more... but she just doesn't. So when she finds out she's having a baby, she knows this will bring her and David closer together. But what if it makes them even farther apart...?
*PLEASE HEART, I WILL FINISH THIS! :DDD*

Genres:

Dystopian, Drama, Romance
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Comments(97)

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over 3 years ago Bella Lightwood said:

CONTINUE THIS PLEASE! I HAVE TO SEE THE END!!!

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over 4 years ago Samantha J said:

Wow, this is really good. I like the characters and this story is so creative and different. I love it! Please continue, I will definitely come back to read more!

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over 4 years ago Miguel Santiago said:

Please finish it, i got myself unto it, I like it, finish it.

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over 5 years ago Paranormalchick said:

Ready for some more!! Nice Work!

Reviews(7)

Prince 085

over 6 years ago Steph A. said:

This seems like a sweet little romantic tale that you have made. But, you need to make your characters sound older. They are in their twenties but some of Mia’s thoughts are not those of a twenty something year old. I understand that you are trying to make Mia unsure of who she is but you need to make it more known that she is insecure. In your opening chapter, you need to reel us in by describing what is going on Mia’s head. Develop her thoughts and characteristics better. David needs to be a little more unique. I’m not really sure what is so special about him or why Mia has been with him for so long. There are sometimes that you kind of rush through scenes. It kind of came out of nowhere that Dylan started kissing Mia. You need to develop some tension between these two before you rush through this scene. Also, the proposal scene needs to have more added to it. You have a nice foundation you are working with there just needs to be a little more flavor added to it to really make it unique. Some edits that can be made: Chapter 1 The sentence, “It was a set of matching jewelry. A white gold necklace with a black diamond at the end, and matching black diamond earrings, with a white gold bracelet.” Is a bit of a run-on sentence. It may be better to change it to “It was a matching jewelry set containing a white gold necklace with a black diamond at the end, matching black diamond earrings and a white gold bracelet. Jewelry is misspelled in the sentence, “They're truly the prettiest jewelry I have ever seen.” Also, I think it would be better to change the word prettiest to the most beautiful. It makes your character sound older. The word restaurant is misspelled in the sentence, “I reserved the restarant.” As well in the sentence, “The restaurent was silent except for a violin playing quietly in the corner. Something needs to be changed in the sentence, “With a little pattern of diamonds on the entire necklace, then one big one in the shape of a heart in the middle.” Maybe change to, “There was a little pattern of diamonds surrounding the entire necklace and in the middle was one big heart-shaped diamond. In the sentence: “But I said nothing, this night was going well so far.” Replace the comma with a semicolon after nothing. Chapter 2 The word immediately is misspelled in the sentence, “He saw me, and immediatly put the pan down and grinned.” It would be better to replace the word with maked-up to made up in the sentence, “He always saw me all pretty and make-uped though” It seems more age appropriate for your character to use that word instead. The word separate is misspelled in the sentence, “He drifted off. We were silent for a while, as David poured the scrambled eggs on 2 seperate plates for us.” The word fell is misspelled in the sentence, “He was very into the game, and his long brown hair fel over his eyes.” Get rid of the comma in the sentence, “He laughed, and high fived someone.” The word gesturing is misspelled in the sentence, “I wondered, gestering to Him.” You misspelled the word caviar a couple of times. Replace the comma with a semicolon in the sentence, “We have tons of food, why not eat it, right?" Get rid of the comma in the sentence, “I kept on looking at you, and wondering why I had never met you..." Wonderful is misspelled in the sentence, “This is a wondeful day." Get rid of the comma after neater and put a semicolon instead of a comma after brown in the sentence, “A little neater, but the same dark brown, just like Dylan's.” You need to change he to me in the sentence, “It was obvious that he realized I had turned awkward and guilty, so he assured he, " The word playground is misspelled in the sentence, “Then he tilted his head toward a playgroud a few yards away.” Replace the comma after much with a semi-colon in the sentence, “I laughed so much, I had to hold onto the slide for support.” Balloons is misspelled in the sentence “I cried, pointing to a man selling ballons on the curb.’ Chapter 4-6 The word immediately is misspelled in the sentence, “But by the look on his face afterwards, I immediatly knew he had. The word field is misspelled in the sentence, “I looked around the feild for Dylan,..” Change boughten to bought in the sentence, “I looked away quickly, and took a sip of my pink lemonade I had just boughten. Corridor is misspelled in the sentence, “I entered the mansion through another door, and started walking down a corrider.” Replace was with with in the sentence, “He said, and tossed me an apple. I caught it, but was difficulty.” The word necessary is misspelled in the sentence, “Necassary with David a few yards away?” Get rid of the comma after sun in, “I glanced at the sun, that was still up.” Replace the comma after good with a comma in, “It tastes so good, I should be able to eat it all the time!" I took a huge bite, and grinned at David.” Replace the comma after pounding with a semicolon in, “My heart was pounding, I was scared I would faint.” You was repeated in the sentence, “"Well, it matters who the person is. If they're someone who you really love and trust, then they'd understand you you guys could still try to be friends.” Congratulated is misspelled in the sentence, “I congradulated myself on the "her””. Exhausted is misspelled in the sentence, “"But anyways, I'm exhauseted (exhausted).” Separated is misspelled in, “…only a minute after we had separated.” Chapter 7 Embarrassing is misspelled in the sentence, “Dylan looked thoughtful, as if he wanted to consider what horrible, embaressing thing he wanted me to do.” Replace faceful with face-full in, “and earned another faceful of whipped cream. I dumped more soda on his head.” Spinach is misspelled in, “I added some bacon and spinich,” Optimistic is misspelled in, “but why not act optimistic?” I enjoyed reading this and I hope this review was helpful.

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over 6 years ago Elizabeth Muncy said:

O.k so here are some grammar mistakes. Chapter 3 He told out the bean dip should be He toook out the bean dip (picnik) There is a sentence that really confuses me. I don't know what your trying to say. I found have never remembered that if David told me. He should be me. (When he was reasurring her over his good memory.) Chapter 4 (After she gets in her car and watches David pull away) For a few minutes before I left too, you should take out the too. When she was sippin her pink lemonade it should be bought not boughten. When she hit Dylan it should say As i ran into something. Chapter 6 Long-ish hair should be Longish no dash. When she asked Dylan for advice you said David and I's marraige. It should be David and our marriage. And then you said God. I'm messed. I don't know if you meant God, I'm messed up. and you should delete the second you when dylan says you guys could be friends. O.k thats all I noticed for grammar mistakes. :) I absoultely loved this story. I loved Mia then I hated her and then I loved her again. It put me on a emotional rollcoaster (I don't think I spelled that right T.T) I hope you continue very soon.